The Legacy of a Titan
by gooseles
Summary: Emma Bertier's experience with great love and great loss.
1. Faded Pictures

**Disclaimer:** _As in all my stories, I own none of the characters, real or fictional mentioned in the film "Remember the Titans". The fiction I write is just that...fiction, a pure work of my overactive imagination written for myself and others to enjoy and critique alike. So please don't sue...if you do...good luck standing behind American Express, Visa and everyone else I owe!_

Emma Hoyt Bertier sat quietly on the comfortable but worn sofa strategically situated in front of the flames blazing within the fireplace. The house was quiet an eerie quiet that instead of calming her it made the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand readily at attention. She wondered aloud if life would always be like this. Sipping from a freshly poured glass of red wine, she smiled in spite of herself as she realized just how quickly life could change. The last two weeks had definitely proved that to her. Just fifteen days prior she had sat on that very couch nestled in the loving arms of her husband, Gerry. There they had cuddled and laughed and made plans for the future. A future that seemed so bright and happy. Now just 360 hours later she sat alone on that sofa. There was no Gerry. No laughter, no warm hugs, no excited chitchat about the future...all of a sudden there was no future. In mere seconds a drunk driver had shattered her dreams and changed her life forever. The unthinkable had happened and Gerry was gone forever. Sighing, Emma rubbed her tired feet as equally weary eyes diverted to the image in the corner. Gerry's wheelchair. Gerry's empty wheelchair. Julius Campbell, Gerry's best friend of ten years had offered to move it for her but she had declined. She knew it couldn't sit there forever but she wasn't ready for it to go. Not just yet anyway.

In the shadows of the silence she could almost hear his voice.

It was so strong and clear, saying, "You look tired, sugar. Everything okay?"

For a split second she thought she would turn around and he would be there. But he wasn't and sadly never would be again. The silence was killing her, she couldn't stand it. For the past two weeks it had been just the opposite. Day and night her house had been filled with friends, family and neighbors cooking meals, arranging the many flowers that had been sent, assisting with funeral arrangements, and taking care of her. Emma truly appreciated the help and the love and the good intentions but it had been suffocating. It was all too much and secretly so many times she had wished that they would all disappear...just pack up and leave. Now her wish had come true. The company and the well wishers were gone and she was alone with her thoughts and memories. She was by herself for the first time since her husband's untimely death and she had never felt so alone in her life. Preparing herself for another restless night, she walked over to the hall closet to retrieve a blanket. It would be another night spent on the couch. She couldn't bear to sleep alone in the master bedroom quite yet. It had been their marital bed, the place where so many times they had eaten breakfast together, watched television, made love and shared their hopes and dreams. Emma couldn't imagine one night there without him. It was too soon, she thought as she stood on her tip toes to pull down the blanket. As it clumsily fell from the top shelf of the closet, so did a few books and magazines. Emma cursed as she picked them up, briefly sifting through the material before putting it back in its place. Mostly there were Gerry's car magazines along with a few comics and vintage editions of Sports Illustrated. At the bottom of the pile was a large book Emma had never seen before. It appeared to be a photo album. Carrying it back to her makeshift "bed", she plopped down and opened the cover. In blue ink, beautifully scrawled in his trademark handwriting was Gerry's signature. On the next page was the first picture, a picture taken in 1970 at Hammond High. There was Gerry in full football dress, kneeling on the grass smiling for the camera. He looked so big...so strong...so invincible. Although the picture was slightly faded, the memory of that day in Emma's mind was as fresh as could be. They had just started going out, a couple of kids in love. He had given her his letter jacket and asked her to be his steady girl. It had been a magical time of innocence. Before T.C. Williams, before integration, before the Titans and before the two accidents that had claimed Gerry's ability to walk and his life, respectively. Still she couldn't help but to smile as she turned each page and found dozens of photographs all numbered and labeled into pockets of Gerry's neat little remembrance. It was as if he'd done it all on purpose, as if he had intentionally put his life together in pictures. From Hammond High to T.C. Williams, from the Special Olympics to their wedding day, before her lay a beautiful collage of her late husband's life.

"Oh Gerry...", Emma whispered into the darkness as a few tears fell onto the pages.

She looked at his eyes, his beautiful smile and once again it was like he was there with her. She could almost see and smell him again, hear the love in his voice as he said her name. The scent of his cologne filled her nostrils and Emma's eyes immediately opened.

"Gerry?"

But he wasn't there. The smell was coming from his pillow, the one that she cradled under one arm. Sighing from utter exhaustion, she allowed her body to relax and assume a comfortable position on the sofa underneath the covers. She wiped away one last tear as she took one last sip of wine.

"Good night, my love", she whispered.


	2. Gerry Beriter

They had known each other since the age of five but a life together for Emma Hoyt and Gerry Bertier truly began in the fall of 1969. It was no longer a time of innocence but one of major change. A couple of free spirited fun loving 15 year olds fell madly in love within the confines of all white Hammond High. It was after the U.S. death toll in Vietnam reached 33,641, after Senator Edward Kennedy's dreams of Presidency drowned right along with his 28-year-old passenger on Chappaquiddick Island, after the free love and peace themed Woodstock. Even though the outside world was going crazy, little changed in Alexandria, Virginia. It was a beautiful town located minutes from the nation's capital. It was where neighbors were friends, where you could leave your front door unlocked at night and where high school football was bigger than Christmas day itself. For Gerry and Emma the small town and its values weren't just home but a way of life.

He had grown up an only child and lost his father as a young boy. Raised by his widowed mother, Gerry was a happy boy who harbored dreams of winning a gold medal in the Olympics. Quickly he learned that his real talents were in the sport of football. The handsome, young line backer was a standout All American for Hammond High until 1971 when the city decided to integrate the school system. Gerry, along with his friends, was transferred to T.C. Williams. Desegregation had proved to be the toughest challenge of them all.

The first real drama began when Coach Bill Yoast was demoted to the position of assistant coach/defensive coordinator. The man who had been a successful head coach for over ten years was given the ultimate ultimatum...take the demotion or resign. That had been a blow and surprise to everyone. Yoast was more than a leader on the football field, he was more like a living legend in the community. Gerry and his friends had played for him since they were all knee high to a grasshopper. With junior year approaching, Yoast was supposed to lead his all white football team to another Hammond regional championship. He was supposed to mentor and coach the young men on through senior year where eventually they would get athletic scholarships and venture on to college. That had been the plan alright until Herman Boone came along. Gerry had shaken his head in disbelief and pure disgust at the very thought of it. It was bad enough they were expected to attend school and play sports alongside the blacks, now they would have to be coached by one. It was unthinkable and Gerry wouldn't stand for it. He talked it over with his best friend, Ray Budds, Alan Bosley and the others and they decided to boycott the season once Yoast had planned to resign. There was no way on God's green earth that any of them would play for a "thief". Not willing to let his boys sacrifice their future, Bill Yoast had sacrificed his pride and accepted the new position. The very heart of Alexandria had been rocked to its core.

It was Gerry who on that first day of summer practice marched proudly behind Bill Yoast as they and the rest of the Hammond players walked into the T.C. Williams gymnasium and boldly interrupted Coach Boone's first team assembly. Gerry had stood in stony silence as he listened to the black man lay out instructions for the upcoming football camp to be held in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. It all seemed surreal even up to the last minute when the young players assembled for departure in the school parking lot. Ray and Gerry gallantly approached Coach Boone with their own version of the team roster. Half the spots on the Special Team as well as Offense were to be reserved for the Hammond players.

"We don't need any of your people on defense", Gerry had said, looking the new coach square in the eyes. "We got that covered."

Herman Boone had not been one to be intimidated. Not the man who had marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and had stood toe to toe with the Ku Klux Klan out in rural North Carolina. In a millisecond he had put both boys in their place in front of teammates, coaches and parents alike. He told Gerry to take one last look at his mother because at camp he wouldn't have a mother anymore. He'd only have his "Daddy" and they all knew who that was.

"Who's your Daddy, Gerry?"

Rage inflaming his cheeks a bright crimson, Gerry nervously looked at the ground.

"Gerry, if you want to play on this football team, you will answer me when I ask you a question. Now who's your Daddy? Who's your Daddy, Gerry? Who's your Daddy?"

Deflated like a popped balloon, Gerry could only hang his head and murmur softly, "You."

And thus how camp began for the Titans.

"This is no democracy. It is a dictatorship. I am the law", Boone has said often.

And he wasn't kidding. When the blacks boarded one bus and whites assumed another, the players were quickly ushered off both buses. One bus was labeled "Defense" and the other "Offense" and players were instructed to board the bus for whatever position they were trying out for. Once on the bus, players were to sit with a member of the opposite race. As if all that wasn't enough, the person sitting next to them was to be their roommate for the duration. It was that fateful bus ride that introduced Gerry Bertier to Julius Campbell.

The lives of two young men would drastically change forever and a lifetime friendship would be born but who would have ever guessed with the fight that ensued less than ten minutes after settling into their dorm rooms. Gerry had quietly unpacked his belongings as Julius appeared to be hanging a poster on the wall. When he moved away, there as plain as day was the controversial and political image of black athletes, Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising their hands in a "black power" salute at the 1968 Olympic games.

"I ain't looking at that for two weeks, man", Gerry grumbled.

"You look at your wall and I'll look at mine. You better use your X-ray vision and look right through it Superman because it ain't coming down", Julius retorted.

And the first blows were thrown...

Fighting amongst each other did not set well with Boone. The Titans were on three a day practices until each and every player got acquainted with and had a written essay about facts and particulars on teammates of a different race. Once again Gerry and Julius argued but it was there the first time they saw and respected each other as men. Big Ju had challenged Gerry's authority and leadership skills as a captain. He had called Gerry out for allowing his white friends to not block for black quarterback, Jerry "Rev" Harris worth a plug nickel. Gerry had gotten angry but he knew his teammate was right. A mutual respect developed soon after and by the time camp was over, Gerry had made a new friend.

The Titans began camp as boys and had left young men. Gerry's whole world changed that year. It was a year for great things...Gerry's continued domination on the field, his new relationships with black players, a "perfect" no loss regular season, his new best friend, Julius. It was also a year of great loss...the deterioration of his friendship with Ray Budds and relationship with Emma Hoyt. Times were changing and instead of running in that direction, Emma and Ray were both about as opposite as opposite could be. The final straw came with Ray when he purposely missed a block during the Groveton game. That missed block caused Rev to end up with a broken wrist. It was Gerry who made the decision to cut Ray from the team and Ray who decided to cut Gerry from his life. Then there was Emma. Pretty, polite, demure Emma who Gerry loved more than life. She just couldn't adapt. She didn't understand nor did she want to. She wouldn't be caught dead shaking a coloreds hand or forfeiting a night at the Hill to hang with them in some of the newly integrated establishments. She and Gerry had grown apart and painful as it was, it was over. Regardless of the split, she would always remain in his heart. Emma Hoyt was his first love and the image of her beautiful face, the happy sound of her laugh was always with him...at home, at school, on the field and especially the night that everything changed. One minute the school, the whole town, was in the midst of a jubilant celebration after winning the Regional Championship. The next minute there were bright lights and a loud crash. The next minute Gerry was in a hospital bed, tubes everywhere and in tremendous pain...from the waist up. He felt nothing from the waist down. The handsome all American, the cocky champion was now mortal.


	3. Emma Hoyt

Emma Hoyt, born and raised in Alexandria, Virginia was the youngest child of John and Patricia Hoyt. A happy little girl who loved rainbows and flowers and helping her mother in the kitchen, she had blossomed into a pretty and petite young lady with long brown hair and a spray of freckles across her nose. By no means was she an ugly duckling but she had "grown" into her looks as Grandma Hoyt liked to put it. She was a little of a late bloomer by some standards but freshmen year everything changed. She was a young woman, not strikingly gorgeous but pretty in a soft, feminine sort of way. The boys sure seemed to notice, Gerry Bertier in particular. Everyday Emma and her best friend, Susan Woods, would walk past Gerry's History class on their way to Study Hall. He had them timed like clockwork and it never failed at 9:54 a.m., just one minute before final bell, the girls would walk by giggling and there Gerry would be watching them as he fiddled around at the pencil sharpener.

"There's Gerry Bertier sharpening all those pencils again", Susan said as the girls walked by. "If I didn't know better, I might say he's kind of sweet on you Emma."

"Me?" the shy brown haired girl questioned. "Not me. Gerry probably likes you."

That usually was the case. Emma was the cute one, the quiet one, the polite one, the smart one. Susan was the outgoing one, the popular one, the drop dead gorgeous one. But none of that made a difference to Gerry Bertier. Sure Susan was pretty but in a plastic, commercial sort of way. Emma was pretty too but it was soft and natural. It would be many days spent sharpening pencils until the lead met the eraser before the burly football player would get the nerve to strike up a conversation.

"Aw Gerry quit being a wuss already and just talk to her", Ray would whine.

And one day Gerry did. Trying his best to play the cool, cocky, star athlete, he invited her to the local malt shop and they got to know each other over milkshakes. From that day forward, they would be inseparable. Emma proudly wore his Hammond letter jacket as the two held hands in the hall between classes. She was there at every football game leading the cheers for her favorite linebacker. It was love and it was perfect. Life was perfect until the city of Alexandria decided to go forth with the integration plan. Emma had held her breath and prayed for it not to be so but come September 4, 1971, she and Gerry and most of their Hammond friends would be attending the integrated T.C. Williams High. The very thought shook her to the core.

"I can't believe it", she mumbled to Ray and Gerry. "We actually have to go to school with them. We're gonna be sitting in the same cafeteria. You guys are gonna have to play ball with them. It's awful."

"Yeah", Gerry had agreed. "All those blacks do is start trouble."

It wasn't hate that necessarily fueled their intolerance. It was more of fear and ignorance than anything else but that was a lesson it would take a while for the two teenagers to learn.

Emma and Gerry spent enjoyed a glorious summer of 1971 on up until the day he got on the bus for camp at Gettysburg. It took a few days before he was able to call and when he did it was only to complain and gripe about the practices, about Coach Boone and especially about the black players, Julius Campbell in particular. Soon, the more he called, the more the complaining tapered off which was fine by Emma. Gerry returned home and Labor Day weekend was celebrated with a family picnic. It was the last day of an innocent time. Then September 4th rolled around. Emma had never seen so many people in all her life. There were teachers and students trying to make their way into the building. There were police trying to prevent a riot from angry protesting white parents. Then there were the blacks. Emma could feel their eyes hawking her every move and it made her sick.

"Look at them Gerry", she said when she finally found her boyfriend in the crowd. "They hate us. They're always gonna hate us."

She had expected him to agree in discuss and pull her close, protecting her from all the madness. Instead he shrugged and gave a half grin.

"It's alright, sugar. Things will settle down. It's just a bad day."

And then a tall black kid came over and he and Gerry began to chit chat like old friends. Emma could not believe or eyes or her ears.

"I'm sorry", Gerry said, suddenly remembering his manners. "Emma Hoyt this is Julius Campbell. Julius, meet Emma."

Then the black guy extended his hand. Some nerve he had thinking she was actually going to shake it. Emma could only look at Julius and Gerry with total distain before walking away.

That was the beginning of the end. Gerry was changing and Emma didn't like it. Not only was he playing sports with coloreds, he actually seemed to enjoy hanging around them. After winning the first game of the regular season, Emma had hopped in a convertible with Ray and other white kids from Hammond. It was tradition to go to the Hill and celebrate but Gerry was nowhere to be found.

"Where do you think he is, Ray?"

"Probably with his new buddies", Ray sneered. "Looks like old Betier went to the zoo and brought back some new friends."

No sooner than Ray had made the comment, there was Gerry walking down the street with Julius to his left and Alan Bosley to his right. Louie Lastik, Jerry Harris, Petey Jones, Blue Stanton and Sunshine Bass followed closely behind.

"Hey Gerry", Emma smiled sweetly as he approached the car. "We're all going to the Hill. Wanna come?"

"Yeah hop in, Gerry", Ray chimed in.

Both Emma and Gerry knew the local hang out spot at the Hill would not be the ideal place for the black players.

"Sugar, why don't you hang out down here with us?" Gerry suggested.

"Gerry, what are you doing?"

They talked for a few more minutes but neither was budging. And it was more than making a decision about where to hang out at after a football game. The kids were traveling in different directions and neither one was willing to compromise. Gerry had always loved her so. When she was with him she felt safe and happy and like she could do anything in the world. His love for her had always been so real and strong and obvious. Now it was slipping away. She was losing him. They were losing each other. As the convertible slowly pulled away leaving Gerry and his newfound friends on the walkway, Emma's heart sank. He had chosen them over her.

It took a while for both of them admit it but the sweet little relationship they had once share was now painfully broken beyond repair. They parted ways as lovers and then as friends although Emma's heart would flop in her stomach every time she heard his voice in the distance or saw his face in the halls. But then something happened inside of Emma. Maybe it was the simple courteous gesture of a young black freshmen helping her one day when her locker jammed. Maybe it was Mrs. Carter, the friendly and intelligent black woman who became Emma's favorite (and first black) teacher. Maybe it was exchanging small talk with Dorothy Smith, a nice black junior who sat next to Emma in History. Slowly but surely it began to sink in. All blacks weren't all bad. They were people just like her. Why was she hating and judging a whole group of people she had never given a chance? As Emma began to change, it was almost like the town was changing right along with her. The Titans, the mighty T.C. Williams undefeated football team was bringing and entire community together.

It was the night after the Regional game. The game was played away and Emma and her girlfriends hadn't attended but they were among the many enjoying the celebration in the T.C. Williams parking lot as the victorious Titans arrived via school bus. It was a wonderful and happy scene as everyone celebrated in the streets. From the corner of her eye, she spotted Gerry alone and on his way to his Camaro. Their eyes met and they stopped and talked briefly. For a split second it was like old times. Emma wanted to hug him, kiss him, hop in the passenger side of the Camaro and ride off to the Hill with him. Then it was back to reality. Perhaps one day they would find their way back to one another but not yet. Not so soon.

"Looks like I was the one with the mixed up priorities", she said quietly. "Look, it might take me a little bit longer than you might like but I want you to know that I'm gonna try, Gerry."

That was enough for him. He appreciated her honesty and sincerity. That kind and loving spirit reminded him of the old Emma he had first fallen on love with. He grinned and nodded and made her promise that she would be there on the sidelines rooting for him and the team when they played for the State Championship. Emma smiled. Where else would she be? She gave him her word, then a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Good bye, Gerry."

Good bye. Good bye? Why has she said good bye instead of something like, "I'll see you around." Good bye was so...permanent she thought uneasily as she watched him slip into the driver's seat of his car. He slowly mulled down the street and that's when it happened. The awful sound, the horrible sight of the huge truck ramming into his car, crushing it like an aluminum can.

Emma felt sick to her stomach as she literally felt her heart breaking into a thousand pieces inside her. Sitting in that cold waiting room. The coaches were there and so was every Titan player. Jean Beriter, Gerry's mother, sat silently, tears streaming down her face. Emma couldn't cry. She knew if she allowed one tear to fall that she would lose composure completely. All she could do was think. What if he died? What if he was already dead? Would he ever knew just how much he meant to her? Would he die knowing she still loved him? Her thoughts suffocated her and just when she thought she might scream out loud, the doctor came to talk to Jean and the coaches. Moments later it was announced that Gerry would live. Before anyone could emit a sigh of relief, came the bad news. He would be paralyzed from the waist down...permanently. Emma's heart broke. All she wanted was to hold him. To love him, to comfort him. She walked towards his room but Jean stopped her.

"I'm sorry, honey. He only wants to see Julius."

For a second the anger and jealousy all came pouring back. Why Julius instead of her? Then the double automatic doors opened and a near hysterical Julius entered the lobby. The coaches informed him of Gerry's condition and Julius' knees visibly buckled.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bertier, I'm so sorry", he sobbed.

The older lady wiped his tears and told him to be strong. She told him Gerry wanted to see him...only him. They hugged and Julius walked solemnly to the room. Dashing over to the hospital Chapel, Emma sobbed as she stood on the cold pavement. She thought of the young man she had despised for the color of his skin, the man she had insulted, whose hand she had refused to shake. He was a human being with feelings and emotions and they obviously had one important factor in common...they both loved Gerry. Right then and there she dropped to her knees and asked the Lord for forgiveness. She asked Him to bless her with a new heart and change her wicked ways. Two things became crystal clear. One...she vowed she would never leave Gerry again, that she would always love and be there for him no matter what. Two...she vowed that when the time was right she would confront Julius and make amends. It wasn't just the right thing to do, it was the only thing to do.


	4. Born Again

Emma had rushed over so quickly to the Bertier home that she was out of breath. She had called earlier for Gerry and the conversation hadn't gone well.

"Jean, what's going on?"

The older woman shook her head sadly.

"The doctor told me to expect this", she began. "Gerry has been so positive and so strong throughout this ordeal but...they said there would be good days and bad days. I guess this is a bad day."

"I'll go talk to him", Emma offered.

"I don't know, dear. He's been pretty grumpy. Maybe you should just leave him be for now."

Nonsense. Nothing in Emma's mind or heart would allow that. Gerry needed someone, he needed her and she would be there for him no matter what.

"Please Jean. Just let me try. I just want to talk to him."

Jean Bertier could see the urgency and determination in the younger woman's eyes.

"He's out back", she pointed.

Emma nodded and rushed into the direction of the back patio. There was a solemn Gerry sitting in his wheelchair staring off into space.

"Gerry?"

"Hey", he answered softly, barely looking at her.

"Um, you didn't sound too good on the phone earlier so I just wanted to stop by and check on you."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know...I did it because I want to. Wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine. Everything is perfect except for this damn wheelchair."

Emma winced at his bitter and angry tone.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's to talk about?"

"I don't know", Emma shrugged thoughtfully. "Whatever you want to, I guess."

"Look Emma, I know what you're doing and trust me you don't have to, okay?"

"And what exactly am I doing Gerry?"

"You're feeling sorry for me."

"Gerry..."

"I'm not stupid, alright? I see the pity in your eyes and in Mom's and Coach Yoast and even Julius. I'm just tired of it."

"It's not pity, Gerry. We just care about you and we want you to be okay."

"Well I'm not okay!" he snapped.

Emma was taken aback as she had never seen him that angry, not even on the football field.

"Gerry..."

"Look I don't want you here and I don't need you here so why don't you just leave, Emma?"

"Gerry..."

"Do me a favor and get the hell out of here. Now!"  
Feeling the tears brimming her eyes, Emma turned and headed towards the house. No sooner than she had opened the door, she collapsed, her tiny body racked with sobs.

"It's not your fault, honey", Jean said as she held her. "He's been like that with everyone today. Wouldn't even finish his physical therapy."

"Oh Jean. I love him so much! It's so hard for me to see him like that. It isn't fair. And he was so mean! Gerry has never spoken to me like that."

"I know dear. It's okay. Just go home and get some rest and try to forget about it. Perhaps tomorrow will be better."

Emma sniffled as Jean escorted her to the door. She was half way down the block before the tears and sadness stopped and was replaced by something else...anger. Before she knew it she was marching back into the house past Jean Bertier and back into the yard where Gerry still sat.

"I thought I told you to leave", he hissed.

"You did."

"So?"

"So? I ain't going."

"What did you say?"

"You heard me. I said I'm not going anywhere."

"Fine then."

"Fine. I will sit here all day if I have to, until you talk to me."

"Whatever."

"Whatever? Oh you know how much of a pain in the butt I can be so you better start talking because I have all day", she said in a bratty tone sure to garner his attention.

Gerry rolled his eyes as he knew she was speaking the truth. Emma had a stubborn streak and he knew she would sit with him as long as it took to get what she wanted and she would do every pain in the butt thing in the process to bug him.

"Fine", he finally sighed. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Why did you quit your physical therapy today?"

"Because..."

"Because what?"

"Because I couldn't okay? Because my arms got tired."

Emma shook her head. That certainly didn't sound like the Gerry she knew.

"Are you sure? Were your arms really hurting or did you just give up because you didn't feel like doing it anymore."

"I don't want to have this conversation with you."

"I don't believe you", Emma said with a haughty laugh. "Quit being such a baby. As many times as I've seen you tackle and block and hit and all other kinds of crazy, dangerous stuff on the field, you mean to tell me that you can't do a few measly arm lifting exercises in a gym?"

"You don't understand, Emma! No one does. When are you gonna get it through that thick skull of yours that I was in a serious accident, I have a serious injury and I have serious pain!"

"Oh I understand alright! I understand when the going gets tough, Gerry Bertier gets going. I'm sorry this is not a bed of roses for you but who said it would be? Look, you were in a bad car wreck and that's unfortunate. You are paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of your life and that sucks and it isn't fair but it happened, Gerry! It happened and there is nothing we can do to change it. I don't know exactly what you're going through but I know it's hard. Guess what? It's supposed to be. You're gonna have to tough it out. You're gonna have to push through and stay focused and suck up the pain and your pride and everything else."

"You don't know crap about what I'm going through and I don't want to hear a stupid pep talk."

"Stupid pep talk? I am here because I want to help you and because I love you, Gerry. Coach Boone, Coach Yoast, Julius, Alan, your mother, me...we're all here because we care and now all of a sudden you want to cry and complain and give up. The world isn't fair, huh? Boo hoo! Welcome to reality, kiddo! Now I know you're in pain and I know this is an adjustment for you mentally and emotionally but I also know you can get through this Gerry. Anything you set your mind to do, you've always done it. You're the strongest person I know."

Gerry tried to look away, tears stinging his eyes.

"I don't know if I can Emma."

"I do", she said softly. "I believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself. You can do anything Gerry Bertier. What about those Wheelchair Olympics you were talking about in the hospital? I know you could do it Gerry but you just have to work hard and you have to have the right attitude. Now what do you say? I know you're frustrated and hurting and all but don't push away all the people that are on your side. I'm here for you Gerry and I will be forever and ever if you let me."

He looked up at her and smiled.

"When did you get to be so tough?"

"I learned from the best", she winked.

She extended her hand and he accepted it. Every word out of her mouth had been the truth and her tough love was exactly what the doctor had ordered. From then on he knew everything would be okay as long as he had her. The horrible accident hadn't killed his body and he wouldn't let it kill his spirit either. He would work as hard as he could for however long it took. Gerry felt like a new man, like he had been born again and it was all thanks to Emma.


	5. Gerry vs Moneybags

The year was 1975 and Emma Hoyt, decked out in a pretty, new purple dress had just finished an early dinner with James Dooley, son of one of the richest men in Alexandria. It had started off as a blind date, the introductions made by mutual friends who saw a possible love match. Some three months later the pair were still courting, enjoying one another's company several times a week.

"Emma, did I tell you how absolutely lovely you look tonight?" James asked with that trademark grin as he lit a cigar.

"Several times and you're starting to make me blush", she smiled.

"Well I can't help myself. Your beauty simply captivates me."

Emma shifted nervously in her seat. Nobody had ever complimented her as frequently and flatteringly as James Dooley had. It was certainly nice at times but for the most part she was unsure of how to take it all in.

"Would you mind taking a drive with me, Emma?" he asked through rings of smoke. "There's somewhere I'd like to show you."

"Sure", she said, glancing at her watch and noticing only a few hours left of daylight.

He smiled and grabbed her hand, leading her to his brand new Buick. He whistled a happy but mischievous tune as they rode in near silence for a few miles to an old country road that led far from town.

"James Dooley, where on earth are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise", he winked.

A few minutes later he parked the Buick at a dirt and gravel road that led to a small gated field. It was beautiful just as the sun was beginning to set but Emma still had no idea what they were doing there.

"James, what's going on?"

A man walked out from a small barn on the property. 

"Mr. Dooley, it's good to see you", he said as they shook hands. "And this must be Miss Hoyt."

"The one and only", James grinned proudly. "Um, Henry, you can bring out Miss Hoyt's surprise now?"

"James..."

"Close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you to."

Reluctantly, she laughed and did what she was told.

"You're up to something, you old devil."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. You just keep those eyes shut, missy."

She stood there with eyes closed as she heard a bounding noise heading in her direction.

"James..."

"Open your eyes, honey."

Before her in the field was the caretaker...with a horse.

"Oh my God..."

"Isn't he a beauty?"

"Oh James, he's gorgeous. He's a Clydesdale and the finest one I've ever seen for sure."

"You like him?"

"I love him! I love horses."

"Well he's all yours."

"Mine? Wh...James, have you lost your mind?"

"No. My heart maybe", he laughed.

"I'm being serious. I can't...you just can't buy me my own horse. Oh my God, this must have cost a fortune!"

"Nothing is too good for my girl."

Emma shuddered slightly. She hadn't known she was "his girl" up until that very moment.

"I can't! You can't! Oh James this is too much! He's gorgeous but I can't accept such a gift. I don't deserve it. You must take him back..."

"Of course you deserve this, my angel", he said, planting a tiny kiss on her forehead. "You deserve this horse and anything else your heart desires. I would never deny anything you wanted."

"Oh James..."

"I love you, Emma. Just think of this as the start of the farm and the huge house you and I are going to have someday."

"Yeah...someday", Emma muttered softly.

It was the grandest present anyone had ever given her and Emma was quite overwhelmed. She had no idea that James' feelings ran that deeply for her. He was a nice fella and she certainly enjoyed the companionship but thoughts of horses, farms and living in a big house with James had never crossed her mind. It was like a fantasy world and one that only existed in far off dreams. Quickly needing a dose of reality, Emma ended their evening with a polite kiss on the cheek and headed over to the one place where she felt most comfortable.

"Hey you", she said grabbing a basketball lying on the ground. "You and me, one on one. First one to score twenty wins."

Gerry looked up and couldn't help but grin.

"When did you get so athletic? And what kind of jump shot do you expect to make in those heels?"

"Never mind that, Bertier. Quit with the excuses. Afraid you're gonna get your butt whipped by a girl?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Most certainly is."

"Then you're on. I'm shirts, you're skins", he winked.

"In your dreams buddy! Now come on."

They laughed and talked and teased each other as they shot hoops into the basket mounted on a large tree in the Bertier's backyard. Emma, barefoot, squealing with delight as Gerry chased her around and stole the ball countless times even from a wheelchair.

"Twenty-one, I guess I win", Gerry laughed as he sunk a three pointer. "That's game."

"No fair", Emma pouted.

"Fair and square, Miss Hoyt. I do admit, you did pretty good for being dressed up in that fancy get up."

"Thanks", she laughed.

"What was the occasion? Another date with Moneybags?"

"His name is James and yes it was a date. Why? You jealous?"

"Not me", Gerry grinned.

"Good. That's real good to know."

"What did he buy you this time, the Hope Diamond?"

"No."

"What then? A car? Wait, a new house. Let me guess...your own yacht!"

"Gerry Bertier, you are being obnoxious!"

"Okay, okay. I was just teasing."

"A horse."

"Huh?"

"He bought me my own Clydesdale."

Gerry burst out laughing, his entire upper body in convulsions until tears ran down his cheeks.

"And what is so funny?"

"That guy....what a knucklehead! Whoo..."

"Gerry..."

He continued to laugh and when she could no longer pretend to be angry with him, she laughed too.

"So now what?" Gerry asked when he finally regained his composure.

"I don't know but I think he might ask me to marry him soon. Says he sees us in a big house with a farm and lots of horses and animals."

Gerry, serious for a moment, shrugged thoughtfully. "What are you gonna do? I mean, maybe you should see yes. James can be a real dork sometimes but for the most part he's a good guy. He could give you nice things, make you happy."

Emma cringed at Gerry's words. The very thought of him telling her to be with another man made her sick.

"I don't need things to make me happy, Gerry. I don't know, it's sort of complicated. I like James and he is a good man and I know I would be able to live a comfortable life and want for nothing but..."

"But what?"

"When I look into my future ten years or so from now, I just can't imagine any kind of life with James."

"Well what do you see? What makes you happy?"

"You."

The word kind of just rolled off her tongue before her mind had a chance to process it.

"Emma, what are you saying?" he tried to laugh.

"I...I don't know. That I love you, maybe."

"Emma, that's crazy talk."

"Why? You loved me once. We were so good together and so happy..."

"That was years ago. It's over now."

"Is it? It's not for me, Gerry...it was never over."

"Emma..."

"What? I do love you Gerry and I want to be with you more than anything. If you don't feel the same way then I'll drop it and never bring it up again but I need for you to look me in my eyes and tell me you don't want me."

"Emma...I...I'm in a wheelchair."

"Really?" she smiled. "I hadn't noticed."

"Emma, I'm serious. You deserve better. You deserve a normal guy with healthy legs that can walk and be a whole man and give you everything you need."

"Is that so? All I want is a good man with a good heart and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who is kind and makes me laugh...someone like you. You're everything I need, Gerry. Always have been. I don't give a hoot about that wheelchair. You're the same man I fell in love with when I was five years old."

"Emma..."

"Gerry, don't say a word."

"But Emma..."

With that, she plopped down onto his lap and kissed him as passionately as she ever had. It brought tears to her eyes when he kissed back.

"Now will you shut up, you old stubborn mule?" she grinned.

"Emma, I'm serious. I mean, are...are you sure?"

"More sure than I've ever been my whole life. All I need to hear is that you love me, Gerry."

"I do, sugar. With all my heart."


	6. Important Questions

**_Authors Note: Thanks so much to Sundiata and Beth Smith for all their reviews, thoughts, constructive criticism, opinions, kind words and interest with this story. Most of all thanks for inspiration that came to me from your own great writings. I really appreciate everything and I hope you continue to enjoy the chapters._**

"So how did you like the movie?"

"It was okay", Gerry shrugged.

"Just okay?"

"Alright, alright. You win. It was a good movie, Emma. I really liked it."

"And..."

"And what? That's it."

"No. Say, 'Emma, you are the wisest and the greatest and you know everything and I'm sorry I ever doubted you and never will again'."

"The movie wasn't that great", Gerry grinned. "Rocky was better."

The couple laughed and joked as they left the local movie theater after watching One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. The topic of what movie they would see was usually the source of all their disagreements. Emma would scoff and pretend to be difficult especially when Gerry chose manly, action adventure or sports movies and Gerry would throw mock fits at the mere suggestion of love stories, tearjerkers and "chick flicks" but in their hearts it really didn't matter. They cherished their "date nights" and the picture on the screen was nothing more than a technicality. Emma just loved being with Gerry and he loved being with her.

"Come on sugar, let's take a walk and roll."

Emma laughed. From the moment they were first a couple, taking walks were always a favorite pastime for Gerry and Emma. Nothing had changed over the years except for Gerry's wheelchair confinement so he had affectionately renamed their hobby a "walk and roll".

"Sure thing, baby", she smiled. "Gosh the weather is getting so nice. I love it when it's warm out."

They made small talk about nothing and everything at the same time as they made their way through the semi busy streets of Alexandria.

"Coach Yoast and I are going down to Fredericksburg next week to do some more training for the Wheelchair Olympics", Gerry excitedly shared. "I want to make sure I'm prepared for the big games."

"That's great, honey."

"You'll be there won't you, Emma? At the games."

She ran her fingers through his hair. Didn't he know by now? Whether he was breaking heads on the football field or inspiring hearts from his chair at a special games, Emma would be there no matter what, grinning proudly and cheering loudly from the stands.

"Of course baby."

"We were looking at all the events and..."

Emma's mind temporarily drifted from the conversation to a small shop directly to her left. It was the new bridal boutique that had just opened. Inside Emma could see a young girl around her age. She was smiling nervously into a mirror as a seamstress fitted her into her gown. Wedding dresses were on display everywhere. Just the very thought brought tears to Emma's eyes. Since she was a young girl she had dreamed of the day when she would be married. Her wedding would be outside, the afternoon of a hot July day. There would be friends and family and lots of flowers. Her father would walk her down the aisle and then present her to be joined forever with her knight in shining armor.

"...I'm really excited and they're gonna do the games in D.C. I feel more confident with Coach Yoast beside me. Heck, we've been winning together for ten years now. Emma? Sugar?"

"Huh? Oh I'm sorry. You were saying something, Gerry?"

He looked at the peculiar expression on her face through narrowed eyes. Something was obviously on her mind.

"Nothing. Why don't we go over to the park?"

Emma nodded and carefully guided his chair over to a bench where she took a seat.

"Today was a nice day", Gerry commented.

"It sure was."

"Beautiful weather...good movie. I like it when we spend time together like this."

"Me too."

"If it keeps warming up, maybe we can have a picnic this weekend or a cook out over at Julius's place."

"Okay."

"I was talking to Alan Bosley this morning and..."

"Gerry, I want to marry you", Emma blurted out.

The words had been buried deep inside her for so long and finally it was like a volcano of raw emotion that had erupted.

"What?"

"I said...I said I want to marry you", she repeated.

Gerry was silent for a moment, not quite knowing how to react.

"Yeah Alan and Petey went fishing last week and..."

"Gerry did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, I heard you", he finally replied.

"Well if you heard me then why are we discussing Petey and Alan's fishing trip?"

"Emma, you know I can't marry you", he said in a quiet voice.

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because I love you too much."

"Gee, that makes sense", she muttered sarcastically.

"You are a wonderful girl. You're kind and smart and funny and loyal and so pretty. You're the total package Emma and you deserve the best. Honey, I'm not the best."

"Oh God, here we go again. Gerry, please don't do this. Didn't we go through all this last year when we got back together?"

"Now you're talking marriage, Emma. That's serious. It's a lifetime commitment."

"I know that."

"I don't think you do. You just don't get it. Anyway, I care too much to let you throw the rest of your life away with someone like me."

"Throw my life away? Gerry, are you high?" Emma demanded.

"No. I think I'm the only one who is using common sense."

Now Emma was angry.

"Common sense? Common sense! You stubborn, selfish, self righteous jerk! How dare you say that to me?"

"Emma..."

"I love you Gerry. I love you and I have been by your side for forever. And I don't want to leave and I'm not gonna. Doesn't that count for something?"

"It's more complicated than that. Emma, you know I love you. I just want you to have a normal life with a normal husband."

"I don't want a normal life! I don't want a normal husband! I want you, you fool!" Emma practically shrieked.

Gerry had to laugh. Man, she was super cute when she got mad at him.

"Emma, for one second don't think that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you. I do. I love you, sugar. I...I just want you to be sure. I don't want you to wake up next month, next year, ten years from now with regrets."

"I love you, Gerry Bertier. I have loved you since I was a little girl. I love you madly, passionately, deeply and without condition. You are my life. You complete me. I can't and won't imagine one day without you and the way you make me feel. And I know you love me the same way. We were meant to be. It's about you and me and our love, that wheelchair has nothing to do with it. When I look at you Gerry I don't see that chair. I see a beautiful man with a beautiful face and a beautiful mind and a beautiful heart. I see your spirit and that's why I love you. I see a whole man and you're all the man that I'll ever need or want. That won't change, I promise you."

"Emma, I don't...look, the doctors still don't know whether or not I can have children. I know how much you love kids and that you always wanted a big family."

"Maybe you can, maybe you can't. If you can have kids then I know we'll make lots of beautiful babies and be incredibly loving parents and you'll have the pleasure of seeing me barefoot and pregnant all the time. If you can't have kids, then we'll adopt. There are plenty of children right here in Alexandria that need a good home. Either way it doesn't matter. Gerry, we have so much love to give...baby as long as we're together, we can do anything. Our love can do anything."

Gerry fought back tears. Emma had more than proved herself over the years. When had she gotten so tough? Her strength, her beauty, her persistence only made him love her more.

"I just wish..."

"What Gerry?"

"I wished that I would have asked you first", he grinned sheepishly.

"Well you still can. Technically, I didn't ask you to marry me...I kind of ordered you to. So we still have one more chance at tradition."

"So much for tradition", he smiled. "Well, I don't have a ring and I can't get down on one knee. But I do love you Emma. And I promise to love you and honor you and take care of you for the rest of our lives if you'll have me. Would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

A tear slid down her cheek.

"Yes. Yes Gerry. I will marry you."

She kissed his lips.

"Now you're finally right, Emma."

"What do you mean?"

"Now I'm finally whole."


	7. The Greatest Day

"Emma, can I help you with that?"

Emma turned towards the doorway and smiled as she saw her future mother in law, Jean Bertier. Emma was just minutes away from marrying the love her life.

"Thanks Jean", Emma said as the older woman fastened the last few buttons on the bride's white dress.

"I just wanted to tell you how very pretty you look today."

"Thank you. I'm just so nervous."

"Oh there's no need to be although it's perfectly normal. Listen Emma, I just wanted to say..."

"What Jean? Is something the matter?"

"Oh no", she replied as tears started to brim her eyes. "I just wanted to tell you how happy I am right now for both you and Gerry. When you become a mother one day, you'll see that there is nothing more important than your children's safety and happiness. From the moment Gerry was first born, all I ever wanted was for him to be safe and happy and healthy. He's the apple of my eye. He's been through so much yet he's so strong...but you've been strong too, for the both of you. And Gerry loves you so much. I know I'm babbling but I am so thrilled and so blessed that God has chosen such a beautiful and wonderful young lady to marry my boy. You're a good girl Emma and I love you just like a daughter. I just wanted you to know that."

Emma couldn't help it when her own tears spilled and the two women stood hugging and crying for what seemed like forever. Then it was time to gather all composure. A wedding was just minutes away...

Gerry's heart melted as he saw his future wife on the arm of her father. She'd always been a pretty girl but there were no words to describe how beautiful she looked in her gown. She was literally glowing. He knew he'd have a hard time keeping it together but the emotion broke way with her first steps down the aisle towards him. She looked like the angel that she truly was.

Julius, Gerry's Best Man, couldn't help but smile broadly. He had never seen Emma look so pretty...or so happy. And Gerry looked like he was about to jump out of his skin with love and excitement. Those two would make it. If ever a couple were meant to be, it was Gerry Bertier and Emma Hoyt. Of course it hadn't always been smooth sailing with Emma and Julius. It had taken a long time for her to get past her fears and prejudices but she'd finally come around and they'd actually grown to be close friends. It was funny how two people so different who had started off on the wrong foot, were now practically like family.

"Who brings this woman to marry this man?", the minister asked.

"Her mother and me", Mr. Hoyt declared proudly.

"Very well. This is the time you have chosen to become husband and wife. We are here, not only to witness your commitment to each other, but also to wish you both every happiness in your future life together. Within its framework of commitment and loyalty marriage enables the establishment of a home, where through trust, patience and respect, the love and affection which you have for each other may develop into a deep and lasting relationship. We who are witnessing your marriage, hope that despite the stresses inevitable in any life your Love, Respect for each other, your trust and understanding of each other will increase your contentment and heighten your joy in living. Before you Gerry and Emma are joined in marriage in my presence of these your family, friends and witnesses, I am to remind you of the serious and binding nature of the relationship you are now about to enter. I shall now ask you to make your marriage vows. Gerry, will you take Emma to be your lawful wife, will you love her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others keep only unto her so long as you both shall live?"

"I will", Gerry grinned.

"Emma, will you take Gerry to be your lawful husband, will you love him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others keep only unto him so long as you both shall live?"

"I will."

Wiping away a tear, Gerry looked into Emma's eyes as he slipped the ring on her finger.

"Emma, with this ring, I thee wed."

"Gerry, with this ring, I thee wed."

The minister continued.

"As you have consented together to be bound to one another in lawful marriage. You have made special promises to each other which have been symbolized by the joining of hands, taking of vows and by the giving and receiving of rings. By the authority vested in me, according to the laws of the state of Virginia, I now pronounce you to be husband and wife. Now that the ceremony is over and the experience of living day by day is about to begin, go and meet it gladly. Ladies and gentleman, embrace of Gerry and Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Bertier."

The guests stood and applauded. Julius shook his best friend's hand and gave Emma a kiss on the cheek. Then it was off to the reception hall.

"We did it, sugar" Gerry squeezed her hand. "We're married now."

Emma could barely speak. It had been the most emotional yet happiest day of her life. The fairytale was complete. Her Prince Charming had finally come along. For most of her life Gerry had been a strong, important and special force. Now legally and spiritually they were bound forever. She could hardly contain her glee as she began to imagine their life together, living in cute little home with lots of animals and children. It warmed her heart to know that she would no longer have to imagine...all her fantasies and dreams were now a reality. They'd had the perfect wedding complete with friends and family and all the people that mattered most to them. The guests graciously greeted them in the receiving line, then Emma and Gerry moved on the cutting of the cake. Then it was time for Julius to make his toast.

"Actually I don't want to take up too much time today running my trap. I'm just glad to be here and be apart of all this. It's truly a beautiful thing to see two people so happy and in love. Gerry has been my best friend for six years now. We've been through a lot together, man. You are more than a friend. I consider you like a brother. I've watched your joys and sadness and tragedies and triumphs and through it all, you've come out on top, Superman. Knowing you all those years and watching you live your life has truly been a blessing. Man, you've inspired me and so many other people here more than you'll ever know. So I thank you and Emma for letting me be here. Gerry, it was an honor to be your Best Man today. I know you waited a long time for this day and it's finally here and nobody's happier for you, bro. Emma, you're a beautiful and special girl. You and I started off wrong but we've come a long way since then and I'm glad because it's been great getting to know the real you and becoming your friend. The love and devotion that you have for Gerry amazes me everyday. Man, you've got a good woman here so you better take care of her. I know I don't have to say that because I know how much you love her. You two are quite the pair and anyone who has ever seen you two together knows that you are soul mates. So here is to lots of love, peace, happiness, and joy. Good luck, you guys. We all love you."

The speech, beautiful and emotional was a testament to the bond they all shared.

"Okay everyone", the music director announced. "It is now time for the bride and groom to take the floor for the first dance."

The room suddenly fell silent as guests exchanged uneasy glances. No sooner than the man made the announcement, he realized that he had put his foot in his mouth. What an insensitive thing to say when the groom was in a wheelchair. Over a hundred people, including the bride, held their collective breath but Gerry just gave Emma a sweet smile.

"You heard the man, sugar."

He wheeled out to the middle of the floor and guided Emma onto his lap. Once again the room erupted with applause as Gerry held his new wife close and slowly spun around the floor as The Eagles' "Hotel California" played.

_On a dark desert highway  
Cool wind in my hair  
Warm smell of colitas  
Rising up through the air  
Up ahead in the distance  
I saw a shimmering light  
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim  
I had to stop for the night  
There she stood in the doorway  
I heard the mission bell  
And I was thinking to myself  
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell  
Then she lit up a candle  
And she showed me the way  
There were voices down the corridor  
I thought I heard them say  
  
Welcome to the Hotel California  
Such a lovely place  
Such a lovely place _

_Such a lovely face  
Plenty of room at the Hotel California  
Any time of year  
Any time of year  
You can find it here  
You can find it here_

"Baby, this is my favorite song."

"I know and there was no way I was gonna miss the chance to dance with my beautiful wife", Gerry smiled.

_Her mind is Tiffany twisted  
She's got the Mercedes bends  
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys  
That she calls friends  
How they dance in the courtyard  
Sweet summer sweat  
Some dance to remember  
Some dance to forget  
So I called up the Captain  
Please bring me my wine  
He said  
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969  
And still those voices are calling from far away  
Wake you up in the middle of the night  
Just to hear them say  
  
Welcome to the Hotel California  
Such a lovely Place  
Such a lovely Place (background)  
Such a lovely face  
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California  
What a nice surprise  
What a nice surprise (background)  
Bring your alibis_


	8. Miracles

"Emma, watch your left side", Gerry warned.

Playfully exasperated, the young woman rolled her eyes. Her husband could act like such a little old lady sometimes.

"Gerry, I'm fine. Really. Baby, you might need to get your eyes checked again. I'm like ten feet away from that pole."

"No you're not. You're really cutting it close, sugar."

"Cut it out, will you? I passed Driver's Ed. The commonwealth of Virginia trusts me to have a license and so should you."

"Yeah? Well I was in that Driver's Ed class with you so I've seen the damage you can do."

Emma laughed and playfully punched her husband in the arm.

"You are so bad, Gerry Bertier. If you don't watch the insults you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight, Mister."

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, assaulting a man in a wheelchair. Is that anyway to talk to your husband?"

They grinned at each other and every time the words "husband" or "wife" were mentioned, it warmed Emma's heart to the fullest. It was hard to believe but she did have a husband and she was someone's wife. She was Gerry's wife, Mrs. Gerry Bertier and life had been nothing short of perfect ever since that fateful day the couple had exchanged vows.

"Come on sugar, it's time to go in. Look at all the cars, I hope we're not too late."

"We're not", Emma winked. "Plus it's fashionable to be a few minutes late to social events. It's a Southern thing, I guess."

"Yeah? Well let's hurry up and make our entrance, my Belle. Southern or not, Coach Boone doesn't like tardiness...on the field or off."

Emma smiled as she helped him from their newly purchased handicap accessible van. Life had become so much easier since they had bought it. It made it more comfortable for Gerry to get around everywhere and that night in particular they were at the Boone's home to celebrate the couple's 18th wedding anniversary. Emma helped Gerry from the van and securing the gift they had bought, she wheeled him to the front door where the Coach's older daughter, Nikki, answered. Now a teen, she had blossomed into a striking beauty.

"Hey Emma, hey Superman", the young girl greeted, referring to Gerry by a nickname Julius christened him with at the Gettysburg football camp so many years before.

"Hi, Nikki", Gerry smiled. "My, that's a pretty dress."

"Thank you."

"Nikki, this is a little something Gerry and I bought for your Mama and Daddy."

Nikki nodded, thanked them and took the present along with their coats before pointing then to the sitting room where the other guests were mingling. Most of the faces were familiar and that was the best thing about their small community. Everybody knew everybody. It was like one gigantic extended family. Neighbors were friends and friends were family. People looked after one another. Gerry in particular was thrilled. The entire home looked liked one big gathering of Titan alumni and it was always a treat anytime the guys could find an excuse to all get together.

"Emma, you made it. It's so nice to see you and Gerry", Carol Boone smiled as she gave Emma a hug and a kiss. "Glad you could make it."

"We're glad to be here, Mrs. Boone. Thank you so much for having us. It's a lovely party."

"Thank you. I'm just glad so many people turned up to help Herman and me celebrate."

"Happy Anniversary."

"Thank you. Eighteen years. Eighteen wonderful years. I can't believe it's been that long. Where did the time go? Seems like yesterday we were a couple of teenagers courting in North Carolina. Next you know we're married, then came the girls and before we knew it we were settled here."

Emma admired the relationship of Herman and Carol Boone. They were sweet. As much as the Coach could be a hard ass on the field, he was a cuddly teddy bear at home. Even after almost twenty years of being together, he still looked at his wife with the gaze of adoration of a teenager in love.

"Eighteen years. Wow. That's a long time, Mrs. Boone."

"Not long enough. I'm looking forward to the next eighteen and the eighteen after that. It's been great. We're happy and we've truly been blessed. That's my sweetheart over there."

Emma smiled warmly. And a few feet to her left was her very own sweetheart. Gerry Bertier was the love of her life. They were blissfully happy together. She knew he'd had pangs of insecurity and inadequacy before they'd said "I do" but from the moment the preacher pronounced them married, somehow everything had fallen into place, just like Emma knew it would. They got along fabulously, they complimented each other and more importantly they loved each other. Emma loved being a wife. Nothing made her happier than to wake up each morning only to have her soul mate sleeping peacefully beside her. She would then rise and make his favorite breakfast...pancakes, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, toast with grape jelly and a banana on the side. They would chat and sip coffee as they ate together and shared the morning paper, which Gerry always insisted upon reading the Sports section first. Then Gerry would go off to his job as the Assistant Athletic Coordinator at T.C. Williams High School and Emma would catch the train to her tiny office in downtown Washington D.C. where she worked as a secretary. Like lots of young wives she spent lunch hours shopping in Georgetown or munching at the trendy eateries with her girlfriends. At five p.m. sharp it was back to the Metro to Alexandria, which usually included a pit stop at a nearby grocery store. Once home Emma would begin dinner and Gerry would usually help her as they chatted about the events of their day. After eating supper, it was a few hours of cuddling in front of the TV. It was a simple life, some might even say boring, but it suited the Bertiers just fine. They had each other and that was enough for them. Emma was far from bored. She loved the little house on Pear Street that they bought. She and Gerry had put a lot of themselves into the decorating and yard work. They made the house a home, their very own home filled with love and happiness.

The Boone's party was a raving success. The house filled with more guests and the decorations were just as exquisite as the food was delicious. Carol Boone had certainly outdone herself this time.

"Speech...speech...speech!" Petey Jones yelled as the Coach and his bride took center stage.

"Oh I'm not much for speeches", Mrs. Boone blushed as she began. "I just want to thank all of you for showing up tonight to help us celebrate such a happy occasion. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful family and friends and especially the greatest husband a woman could ask for. So to all of you out there, I love you guys and to my darling, darling Herman, here is to eighteen more years and the rest of our lives together."

Everyone clapped then settled down as the Coach began to talk.

"My, my, my...Carol is always a tough act to follow. I know none of you are going to believe this, especially my guys from the team but I'm kind of at a loss for words right now. This is all so overwhelming for me. As always it is a pleasure to have all of you here tonight, it's great when we get together, old friends and new, and party but it's quite a special deal when you all get to share in the celebration and joy of me and Carol's wedding anniversary. I think you all can just look at me and automatically see that I am the happiest and luckiest man in the world. I have a beautiful home, beautiful daughters, the greatest job in the world and I am surrounded by a wonderful, special group of people that are very dear to me. I have been very blessed. Everything I have ever wanted and that any man could ask for, I finally have all that now. As great as it all is, none of this and I mean nothing would be worth it if I didn't have the sweetest, most beautiful, wonderful, loving and supportive wife alive. Carol, you are my best friend and for the last twenty some years you have loved and stuck by me through thick and thin. I have nothing but the utmost love and respect and adoration and admiration for your bravery in even taking on the hassle of marrying a guy like me. Every bump I've ever taken on the field and in the journey of life, you've taken it with me. You have always been there to love and support and encourage and I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. There are no words to express how ecstatic I feel knowing that I get to wake up every morning and know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. Happy anniversary, baby. I love you."

There were lots of oooh's, aaah's and applause. It was a beautiful scene. It wasn't that often that Herman Boone displayed such heartfelt emotion but everyone knew that his feelings and words were genuine and real. It particularly touched Emma. Both speeches left her in tears. In her eyes, there was nothing more glorious than the sight of two people who were truly, madly and deeply in love. After so much time and so many changes, the Boone's love was the one thing that had remained the same.

"You okay, sugar?" Gerry asked, noticing the look on his wife's face.

"I...I'm fine. You know how I get so emotional, Gerry", she smiled through tears.

"Want to step out for a minute? Get some air?"

"Sure, baby", Emma nodded as they took a break on the back lawn.

"Great party", Gerry observed.

"Yeah. It's nice. Mrs. Boone did such a good job of putting everything together."

"Yeah."

"Their speeches were so sweet, Gerry. Did you hear them? After so many years, after going through so much good and bad, they stuck it out and they love each other just as much, if not more, as the day they got married. It's so beautiful, you know. One day...one day that will be us."

"That is us", Gerry grinned as he pulled her onto his lap.

He kissed her and brushed back a long strand of brown hair that the night breeze had blown across her face.

"I love you, Gerry."

"I love you too, sugar. Now come on. Let's get back to the party inside. Petey is already busting out the champagne. I say we grab our glasses before he gulps it all", Gerry joked.

"You go on ahead. I'm fine."

"You sure? No champagne? It's just that you normally love champagne."

"I still do but...not tonight. I can't."

"You feeling okay?" Gerry asked with a worried look.

"Yeah. I just shouldn't have champagne tonight...or for the next eight or nine months."

"Oh", Gerry shrugged.

Emma nervously bit the inside of her lip as she waited a few seconds for him to actually catch what she had said. It took almost a minute but finally he did.

"Next eight or nine...what? Wh...Emma, are you...are you saying...you...we..."

"We're having a baby, Gerry. I just found out at a doctor's appointment this morning."

"You...we...oh my Lord! Sugar, how did this happen?"

"Gerry...", Emma giggled. "Do you need to go back to Mrs. Kerry's health eighth grade health class? I thought they explained all that."

"No, I mean, yes, I mean, I know how it happened but...I didn't know it could happen for us. The doctors weren't sure."

"Well I'm sure", she smiled, rubbing her stomach.

"It's true? We...we're having a baby?"

"We are having a baby."

Gerry let out a loud whoop and pulled Emma back onto his lap, smothering her with kisses. Tears sprang to both their eyes. They had never known such a sense of joy. All Gerry could do was hold his wife tight. So many nights in the darkest depths of his depression after the accident, Gerry had asked God why he was even still alive. Now all of a sudden, at that very moment his purpose was clear. Gerry knew he was meant to stay on earth and be a loving husband to Emma and a father to the child they were now expecting. Just when life couldn't get more perfect, it had. God had truly sent them a miracle.


	9. God's Gift

Jean Bertier whistled a happy tune as she went about the kitchen, straightening up the cupboards. Not that there was that much to clean. She had to give it to her daughter in law, Emma. Even at seven months pregnant she still kept an impeccable house, Jean thought with a smile as the telephone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Gerry?"

"Hey. What's going on?"

"Nothing much, pumpkin. Just thought I'd come over and have a visit with Emma and see if you guys needed anything. How is physical therapy going?"

"It's going. It's better. Can I talk to Emma please?"

"She's not here."

"Not there?" Gerry asked with a hint of panic in his voice. "What do you mean not there? Where else would she be?"

"Son, my goodness. Calm down before you work yourself up into a stroke", Gerry's mother chuckled.

"Your wife is fine. She just went down to the market to pick up a few things. I am expecting her back at any second."

"Market? Mom...what the...you just let her go by herself?"

"Gerry, she is a grown woman."

"Did she walk or did she drive?"

"It's a nice day and the market is only a few blocks down the street. I believed she wanted to walk..."

"Mom, how could you? What if something happens? What if..."

Jean Bertier could only shake her head and smile. Her only son's behavior was cute if not a little irrational. He had been so excited about the impending birth of his first child and had increasingly become more and more overprotective of his wife. As he was going on and on and on, Jean saw Emma's figure waddling up the front steps. She put the phone face down on the counter and ran to help her daughter in law. Jean hadn't even bothered to tell her son to "hold on". It wouldn't have mattered anyway... he was too wired to listen to logic.

"Emma, let me help you with that dear", Jean offered as she grabbed two grocery bags.

"Oh they're not that heavy."

"Still you shouldn't be doing too much", the older lady warned.

"Thanks. I'm fine though really."

Emma sat the bags on the counter with a sigh as she began unloading the various contents into the cabinets and fridge. She frowned as she nearly knocked the phone to the floor.

"Jean, did you have someone on the line?"

"Whoops", Jean smiled as she put a hand over her mouth. "I forgot. It's your husband."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. He was just scolding me for letting you leave the house without a chaperone in your fragile state."

Emma rolled her eyes and picked up the receiver.

"Hi babe...yes...no...okay...I'm fine...right...yeah...uh huh...really...nothing happened...sweetie, it's five blocks if that...alright...no...I'm sure...yes...yes...okay....yes...no...I don't know....okay...yes...I love you, too...see you soon. Bye now."

Jean could only shake her head as both women burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

"That boy..."

"Jean, what am I gonna do with him? I swear it would be cute if it weren't so annoying."

"He's just a nervous first time daddy, that's all. If you think it's bad now wait until little Junior gets here."

Emma smiled as her hands found her burgeoning belly. She could feel their son moving about inside her and the miracle of life never ceased to amaze her. From the beginning it had been a glorious pregnancy. There was little fatigue, morning sickness or spouts of the other horrors of pregnancy. Instead Emma had never felt better and the couple had never been happier. It was beautiful the first time she ever felt the baby's tiny butterfly like movements inside her. It had been surreal the night she and Gerry lay cuddled in bed and the baby had kicked so hard that Gerry had felt it as much as she did. He had joked then and there that she was carrying the next star T.C. Williams Titan quarterback.

Every single moment had been a blessing from God. Each doctor's appointment where they could see the ultrasound of their gorgeous child, each time they were able to listen to the strong heartbeat. And then there was the day of course they found out it was going to be a boy. Gerry had said from the beginning that the sex didn't matter to him just as long as it was a healthy, happy baby but the relief and utter joy etched across his handsome face was evident for all to see once it was announced that the Bertiers were indeed expecting a son. Regardless, Emma was overjoyed. All her dreams were now coming true.

* * *

Emma awoke to gentle prodding as Gerry playfully poked her stomach.

"Babe...what are you doing?" her voice asked, still heavy with sleep.

"Playing with Junior", Gerry smiled.

It took a few seconds to register but soon Emma caught on to the game. Gerry would press lightly on her belly and within seconds their son would give a gentle kick back.

"Wow", Emma laughed. "I've got one pushing from the inside and one pushing from the outside."

"Am I hurting you, sugar?"

"No. It's okay."

She stroked his face. He was so handsome and so happy. Even in the darkness it was hard to hide the uninhibited joy displayed on her husband's beautiful face.

"I can't wait, Emma."

"Me too."

She couldn't help but smile as she looked forward to the feel, smell and sight of a newborn. Washing tiny clothes, counting little fingers and toes, singing lullabies...

"Are you scared, sugar?" he asked.

"A little", she truthfully shrugged. "I don't know if scared is the best word but I'm definitely nervous. How about you?"

"I don't know", Gerry sighed. "I've never felt like this before. It's a mix of nerves and being scared out of my mind mixed with a sense of love and happiness I never imagined possible. It's weird when I think about it but everyday, the bigger your stomach gets...I mean, it's beautiful. That's our little baby in there moving around and growing. It's us...an equal part of you me that we created. It really is a miracle, Emma."

"I know", she sighed, running her fingers through his hair.

"It might sound stupid but having this baby, for me...well it feels like being born again."

"Born again?"

"Well yeah. This is my son...our son. This is the boy that's gonna run and play and do Little League and Boy Scouts and he's gonna grow up big and strong and be the star football player. He's going to be everything I'm not, everything I set out to be but never got to finish. Does that make sense?"

Tears filled Emma's eyes as she nodded. Of course it made sense. It made more sense than anything ever had in her young life and it only solidified her notion that her husband was going to make the best father ever. Gerry would always be there...for both of them. He would never leave. He would discipline but still love. He would push their child to be the best but never pressure him. More importantly he would be there to love and guide and protect their little family always.

"I love you, Gerry. I really do. And I know I say it all the time but it's just because I do...I love you so much. I'm so excited about this baby. It's gonna make our family complete. And I know you are going to be the greatest dad ever"

"I'm gonna try, that's for sure. I hope I don't screw up too bad but I can promise you I'll do my best to do right by this kid. Emma, I'm so in love with our child and even though I didn't think it was possible for me to love you any more than I already do...well, I'm even more in love with you for having him. Thank you, sugar. Thank you for this gift. This baby is the best gift I've ever gotten...next to you."

She smiled through happy tears and kissed his lips. As if to agree, their son gave her one last gentle kick for the night. Sighing, they both fell asleep in each other's arms, content and warmed, thanking God for their littlest miracle.


	10. Contacting Heaven

**_Author's Note: I have been really busy so I totally apologize for the lack of updates. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter and another will follow soon. Thanks for all your patience._**

Emma awoke with a start. According to the clock it was only a little after five in the morning. Careful not to wake Gerry she pulled herself to a sitting position. Her son was really kicking, she thought with a half smile. He was kicking so hard almost as if to say he wanted out. Cradling her belly, Emma rose and tip toed to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. Something didn't feel quite right. Taking a deep breath, she gulped a sip of water. For a second everything was okay, then it hit. It started. A deep, ripping, searing sharp pain that began in her thighs and ripped through her lower back and stomach like a hot knife. Emma screamed and dropped to the floor, the water glass shattering around her. Instantly Gerry's eyes popped open.

"Emma?" he yelled.

"Gerry! Gerry, help me!"

She could barely get the words out and she knew it would take a few minutes for Gerry to get himself situated in his chair. In record time he was wheeling towards her.

"Emma? Sugar, what happened? What's the matter?"

Her eyes, barely recognizable, were glassed over with pain.

"Emma, talk to me, baby. Come on. Open your eyes."

It was a struggle just to keep her eyes open. She hurt...everywhere. A physical pain so agonizing and profound that she couldn't talk, couldn't see, could barely think. All she could do was focus on the raging inferno within her middle and the desperate and worried eyes of her husband. Her tiny hand reached out for him, grabbing at the front of his tee shirt. For a few seconds she held on with all her might, then she went limp and her vision grew black. As she faded away she could hear him calling out to her but his voice began to flow out into the distant. In one final act, she draped an arm over her stomach, a desperate last attempt to protect their precious little boy.

* * *

Emma's eyes fluttered open. They felt heavy and weighed down, almost blinded by the bright light shining down on top of her. She didn't recognize her surroundings and for a moment it felt like a dream.

"Sugar..."

"Gerry", she managed to smile.

He carefully stroked her forehead and gave her a simple kiss. His eyes were swollen and red rimmed. He looked so tired.

"Where...where am I?" she asked, confused and trying to sit up.

It was to no avail. Her entire body felt like jello.

"We're in the hospital. Don't you, remember? Last night..."

The memories of the pain and terror came flooding back.

"The baby?" she asked with sudden panic. "Is he okay? Is..."

Her hands instantly found her stomach, relieved to feel the now familiar weighted budge. Her relief was short lived as there was the eerie feeling of complete stillness. Something felt wrong and the sad look on her husband's face only confirmed the unthinkable.

"Gerry..."

Huge tears welled in his eyes as they were joined by the doctor.

"Mrs. Bertier, how do you feel?"

"Our baby! Is everything okay?"

Her eyes pleaded up at the doctor and at her husband. She desperately needed reassurance. She needed to hear them say that it was a fluke, just a minor scare and that everything was going to be okay. 

"Mrs. Bertier, there was a problem", the doctor began.

Emma shook her head violently. Inside she screamed the word no a thousand times.

"It's a very rare condition that occurs in pregnancies when the placenta separates itself from the uterus. When that happens, the baby is deprived of oxygen and nutrients and everything it needs to..."

"No!" Emma screamed out loud.

She knew what was coming next but she wasn't prepared to hear it. Who would be?

"Mrs. Bertier..."

"Emma, sugar..."

"No! No! Noooooooooo!"

Emma hoped if she could just keep screaming then she wouldn't have to hear it. Then it wouldn't have to be true.

"I'm sorry but...your son is gone."

The words hit her like a piercing knife aimed directly at her heart. The sorrow was overwhelmingly unbearable then she just went numb.

"We are going to schedule you immediately for a caesarean section. It is important that you deliver as soon as possible. I'll give you and Mr. Bertier a few minutes, then a nurse will be in for surgery preparations."

The doctor placed a sympathetic hand on Gerry's shoulder before exiting the room. Loss and death unfortunately came with the job and it was a sadness many doctors saw everyday. Still even the most seasoned professional would be brought to tears by the tragic scene before them. A young couple in love, happy and busy making preparations to welcome their miracle child into the world. Then in one moment, so brief, so harsh, it was all over. Their little boy was gone and if that wasn't bad enough, now the couple would be forced to endure a delivery.

All Gerry and Emma could do was cry and hold each other. It was a nightmare.

"I don't want to see him", Emma whispered to Gerry as tears fell and her entire body shook violently. "I don't want to see or hold him."

Gerry wiped at his eyes and held her hand tightly. He was lost in an emotional fog himself where life had suddenly turned so cruel that it no longer seemed real. But he did agree with his wife. He did not want to see or hold their son either.

"Mr. Bertier, Mrs. Bertier...it's time", a nurse quietly announced.

Gerry and Emma were taken from the hospital room a few floors up to the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital. An anesthesiologist administered the drugs that would allow the physician team to perform the operation on Emma. She would feel no physical pain but she would be awake.

"Incision", the lead doctor instructed and by the feel of the tugging, Emma knew she had been cut wide open.

There was no physical pain but there was a certain level of discomfort as she felt them pulling on her from the inside out. It didn't matter though. She may as well have felt the agony of being split open with a scalpel and it still wouldn't have compared with the pain in her heart. A million thoughts raced through Emma's mind. It was as if her entire life flashed before her eyes. All of a sudden she was five years old and sitting at her parents' kitchen table preparing to blow out candles on a Barbie birthday cake. She was ten years old clowning around on the monkey bars at recess with her schoolmates. She was fourteen again, smiling shyly as she and Susan Woods walked by History class as Gerry frantically sharpened pencils. She was sixteen and parents picketed outside the newly integrated T.C. Williams. She was by Gerry's side in the hospital after the car accident that paralyzed him for life. She was his bride on the happiest day of their lives. She hugged him on the second happiest day of their lives when they found out they were pregnant. And now here they were on the saddest day ever.

"He's out", a doctor announced. "Mr. and Mrs. Bertier, do you want to see your son?"

Emma furiously shook her head, bitter tears falling all over again. A huge lump formed in Gerry's throat. He didn't want to but he knew what he had to do. Holding their lifeless baby would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do but he knew that if he didn't, then he'd regret it forever. In his heart, he knew that Emma would too.

A nurse wrapped the tiny infant in a blue receiving blanket then handed him into the waiting arms of his tearful father. Gerry's heart melted into a thousand and one pieces. In his arms was the son he had prayed for. So tiny...so still...so perfect.

"Emma..."

"No Gerry", Emma protested, biting the inside of her lip.

"Emma..."

He brought the baby, their baby, over to her. Their tears flooding everywhere, Emma reached out a shaking hand to gently stroke the face of her son.

"He's still warm", she sobbed.

Gerry sighed and fought back tears as he cradled his wife and their newborn son. When Emma had first collapsed, when the doctor had first told him that their little boy was gone, he had felt an overpowering rage directed at God. How dare He! Hadn't their family suffered enough? Why? They were law abiding, God fearing, decent living human beings who had endured more than their share of tragedy. Gerry had already been deprived of ever walking again. Hadn't that been enough for God? Why did He have to go and take away their beautiful baby? But as he stared down at Emma and their son, an uncanny sense of peace began to settle over him. It still hurt. It still didn't make any sense but for some reason at that moment he felt like they were all going to be okay.

"I want to name him", Emma sniffed. "He's a person and he deserves a name."

"The one we were thinking? Christopher Michael?"

Emma nodded as she cuddled him.

"And we have to have a funeral. We can get him a little blue casket."

Gerry agreed. It was only appropriate, he thought as he looked down at their son. He knew he would miss little Christopher forever but in a way he was still their miracle baby. He was the littlest angel, their new guardian angel. Holding and loving Christopher had put them in contact with Heaven. What gift could be greater than that?


	11. Saying Good Bye

**_Author's Note: Stay with me people...for those of you who think this story is so sad it makes you want to slit your wrists. It will have better, happier moments but remember that it IS a tragedy and it's how Emma views her greatest loves and greatest losses. Hope you still enjoy. Beth-you are the greatest! Thanks for the feedback! I write these chapters for you if nothing else. : )_**

Emma sat on the floor, the soft white carpet adding some level of comfort. The window was slightly ajar and a late night breeze fluttered in through the crack causing her long brown ponytail to gently sway. The weather was still slightly chilly, especially late at night but Emma didn't bother pulling the pink flannel nightgown closer to her body. Truth be told, she didn't feel the cold in the air. She felt nothing but an overwhelming sadness as she sat on the floor and played with the blue stuffed bunny rabbit in her hands, the perfect stitches of his wide eyed face freakishly smiling back at her. Julius had bought that and a barrage of other toys months ago for the baby. He had said that it was his "god fatherly duties". But now there would be no god fathers or god mothers. There was no baby. There was only silence and an empty room. There were the blue painted walls and the crib and the stuffed animals and tiny clothes neatly strewn about the place. There was the stuffed rabbit with the evil almost taunting face.

Gerry sighed as he watched his wife in the nursery, his chair parked quietly around the corner. It probably wouldn't have mattered much if he had made noise. She seemed not to notice or even care lately. She was quiet and sullen and so distant. It was plain to see that she was hurting inside but yet she hadn't shed a tear since those few moments in the hospital when they'd first held Christopher. She hadn't cried since, not at the funeral service or even when his little coffin had been lowered into the ground. Almost a month had passed and nothing had changed. It killed Gerry to see her like that, to look into those once beautiful and expressive eyes of hers and now see only a dull darkness. Of course he was hurting too but at least he had dealt with it. He had cried and even screamed when necessary. He'd had long talks with his mother and with Julius. And a few times he'd even gone back to the cemetery to place flowers on his boy's grave and also to hang wind chimes on the leaning branch of the large oak tree that provided shade and protection for little Christopher's final resting place.

But not Emma. She went about her daily errands and chores, cleaning the house and cooking meals as if nothing were wrong. When friends called or visited, she was polite and everything was "fine". When Gerry spoke to her she would answer his questions...with "yes" or "no" or the easiest one liner available. And she adamantly refused to go and see the grave. She would not visit the graveyard and she would not cry but every night, late, usually around two or three Gerry would find her there on the floor in the baby's room with that blanked out stare clutching at one of the toys.

"Emma, sugar...you alright?" Gerry asked quietly.

"I'm fine", she replied simply and with zero emotion.

"Well it's late and it's kind of chilly in here. Why don't you come back to bed?"

She didn't agree, she didn't protest. In fact, there was no verbal response at all. She simply placed the bunny back into the crib and walked towards their bedroom, climbing back into bed almost mechanically.

"Emma? Sweetheart, please...talk to me. I can't stand this", Gerry whispered as he caressed her shoulder when they were nestled back in bed. "I don't know what to do. I know you're hurting and I want to help you but I don't know how to. How can I help you when you won't let me in?"

His pleas were met with her silence.

"Emma...sugar. Come on. I lost Christopher now I feel like I'm losing you too."

Still no movement or response.

"Emma, just say something. Please. Talk to me baby."

Slowly, finally she turned to face him. Her words were barely audible and her eyes were as dead as soap.

"I wish I were dead, too", she whispered.

* * *

Julius knocked on the door and within minutes Gerry was wheeling towards him.

"Hey man. What's going on? What brings you by today?"

"What's up, Superman?" Julius nodded. "Here. Shirley baked this pound cake for you and Emma. I was dropping off and I wanted to see how y'all were doing."

"Thanks man. Come on in."

Gerry smiled as the delicious scent filled his nostrils. Julius and Shirley were such great people. Gerry was proud that Julius had found such a nice young lady to be his wife. They were good friends, the best anyone could ever ask for.

"Actually, I can't. I've got a million and one things to do but I just wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything."

"We're good, man. Thanks for asking."

"How is she?" Julius asked, nodding towards the back screen door where the two men could barely see Emma working in the yard.

"Not much better", Gerry nodded truthfully. "I'm hoping she'll come around soon though. She just hasn't been herself, you know? It's all about the baby I guess. I just wish she would open up to me."

"Yeah I guess it's rough losing a child and all. She just needs more time, maybe needs to know people care about her. In fact, why don't you two come with me and the family to church on Sunday? Afterwards, we could have dinner at my house."

The idea didn't sound half bad. A little church never hurt anyone and it would be nice to share a meal and be around real friends.

"Thanks for the invite, Julius. That sounds real nice. I mean, I don't know...I'll have to talk it over with Emma and everything but we'll see."

"Alright. We hope to see you on Sunday then. Take care, brother. Just holler if you need anything."

Julius bent his large frame down to hug his best friend.

"Thanks Julius", Gerry smiled.

Gerry watched his friend leave, then turned his attention back to his wife. It hurt his hard to see the zombie of a woman in their backyard. Finally she came back in the house.

"Hey, sugar, how's they yard work coming? Need any help?" he volunteered.

"Everything's fine."

Fine. Everything was...fine. That was precisely the problem. Gerry knew it was anything but fine.

"There's a pound cake on the counter. Julius dropped it off earlier. Shirley baked it for us."

"That's nice", Emma mumbled.

"Um, they invited us out Sunday for church and then supper. I told him I'd think about it and talk it over with you. Sounds like a good plan. What do you say?"

"I don't feel like it, Gerry."

Somehow he knew that response was coming.

"So what do I tell them? Honey, I don't want to be rude."

"Just tell them we're busy."

Gerry closed his eyes and bit his lip.

"Busy, huh? Emma, can I ask you something? How much longer do we plan on being 'busy'? Because when Mom wants to come over, we're 'busy'. And when the neighbors invited us to lunch last weekend, we were 'busy'. Every time someone calls or comes over or wants to do something with us, we're 'busy'. I'm just curious how much longer this is going to last."

"I'm tired, Gerry. I'm going to bed", Emma muttered.

Gerry looked at the clock. It was only 4:30 in the afternoon. He'd had enough.

"Emma, you're not going to bed", he yelled louder than he meant to.

His voice thundered throughout the house. Immediately he was sorry, maybe he had scared her. But the look on her face once again was blank.

"You're not going to bed now", he said in a calmer voice. "You are going to sit down and we're going to talk this through."

Obediently, she did as she was told.

"Emma, a terrible thing happened. We lost our son. I was really looking forward to being a dad and spending time with my son and just getting to know him. Sadly, we'll never have that chance. It's hard, it hurts like hell, it sucks and it's unfair but it happened for a reason and now we have to deal with it and move on. We don't have a choice. I grieve for our boy, I cry for him and I miss him all the time. As bad as it is, it helps getting the pain out. It helps to pray or talk to my mother or to Julius or Coach Yoast. I feel better when I talk about it but I shouldn't be discussing it with them. I need to deal with this with my wife but I don't know even know who my wife is anymore. Sugar, something's got to give. You can't go on like this anymore, we can't go on like this anymore. The hurt is eating you alive inside. You can't keep all this bottled up."

Emma just stared back at him.

"Damn you, Emma don't do this to me! I can't lose you, too!" Gerry yelled as she shook her. "Say something! Yell, scream, hit me, curse, do whatever just do something! Say something please."

"I'm not like you", she finally said. "I'm not like you or Jean. I don't know that things happen for a reason Gerry, I just know that they happen."

It was the most she had said to him in weeks.

"We just have to be strong, sugar."

"I don't know if I have the strength anymore, Gerry."

"I do. And I know you do too. Emma, you're the strongest person I know. Just look at everything we've been through. When I was recovering from the accident, you were there with me the whole time. I'll never forget that. You were my rock. And no matter how bad things got, I knew I could get through anything as long as I had you. It's always been us against the world, Emma. You and I can get through anything together...even this."

"Gerry, I want to cry but I can't. I open up my mouth to speak but no words come out. I'm just lost in my thoughts and it's a nightmare. I don't know what to do. I just think about how happy and excited we were. I think about beautiful and special it was every time I felt him move inside my belly. I think about how he's not here right now but he should be and it's killing me, Gerry. I try to go over every detail...was it something I did to cause this?"

"Emma, don't beat yourself up. You heard what the doctor said. It wasn't your fault or my fault. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we don't know why. No one saw this coming. No one could have stopped it."

"The grief is unbearable sometimes. I don't know how to go on..."

"This is a start", he said, rubbing her hand. "Talking about it. Talking about it to me. This is the first step to healing, Emma."

"I am so sorry this happened, Gerry. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He hugged her and her body gradually lost its tension in his warm, comfortable embrace.

"Sugar, it might help if you go see Christopher."

"Gerry, I can't..."

"Yes you can. I'll be right there, sugar. Right by your side."

It took more gentle prodding but finally she agreed. They drove to the nearby cemetery. The wind chimes by the grave rustled in the breeze.

"Gerry, this wasn't a good idea. What do I say to him?"

"Anything you want. Whatever is in your heart"

She stood for a while before getting the courage to kneel at her son's grave. The words were hard at first but once they formed they began to flow like a river.

"Hello, little one. It's me, Christopher. It's Mommy. I...I'm sorry that I haven't been by to visit you here but you know I think about you all the time. It's just that I miss you so much that I don't know what to do with myself. It's so hard but I just ask that you and the good Lord above give me and your dad strength. Just know much you were wanted, Christopher and I know one day...one day we'll see you again. I love you, sweet boy."

She placed a kiss on the headstone and looked up at Gerry who had tears in his eyes. She sat on his lap and they both dissolved into sobs. The pain was overbearing but with it they knew the peace and calm would soon follow. They would miss their son forever but Heaven's littlest guardian angel would always be there to protect them.


	12. Heart of A Champion

Emma's heart swelled with pride as she watched the Games Master present Gerry with a bouquet of flowers. Then her husband lowered his head so that he could be awarded the gold medal. Looking over she could see the tears spilling down her mother in law, Jean's cheeks and with the look of ultimate accomplishment and satisfaction plastered across her husband's face, the reality of the moment set in. As the National Anthem began to play, Emma could no longer contain her joy.

_O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,_  
_What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming_  
_Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,_  
_O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming_  
_And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,_  
_Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there._  
_O say, does that Star-Spangled Banner yet wave_  
_O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave_

The crowd erupted in applause and triumphantly Gerry raised his arms. As he was wheeled from the gold medal platform, he was greeted by Coach Bill Yoast. Coach Yoast, the man who had been by Gerry's side for so many years. They had been through everything together, so many victories on the football field and now one more at the Wheelchair Olympics. Perhaps this one, achieved after so many lingering physical and emotional obstacles, was the sweetest of all. Emma smiled as she watched the coach blink back tears of his own before leaning down and whispering into Gerry's ear. Gerry laughed and the two men embraced, as Yoast placed a tender kiss on the younger man's forehead. It was a golden kiss from coach to athlete stemming from the uncontrollable joy of victory and the proud sense of accomplishment in the face of so much uncertainty.

"Sugar, I did it!" he grinned. "I really did it."

He caressed the medal. At first glance it was just a disc suspended from a brightly colored ribbon. But only those who had worked so hard to earn it could understand its true value. Only they would really know the honor, dedication and sacrifice required to win.

"Yes you did, sweetie. I am so proud of you."

He pulled her down onto his lap before planting a huge kiss on her lips.

"We did it, Emma. You and I. We did this one together."

"What are you talking about?" she teased. "You did all the hard work. I was just there in the background."

"You know what I mean. Sugar, this medal belongs to you just as much as it does to me. I just wanted to tell you that. And I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. Most of all for loving me and always standing by me no matter what. For so many years now you've been my best friend, my biggest confidante, my strongest supporter and my sweetest lover. It's been a rough road and I've hit a few bumps but every time I did, you were always right there by my side. In my darkest hours when there was so much uncertainty, there were times when I didn't know if I'd make it...times I didn't even know if I wanted to. But through it all you were there like you've always been. Just like an angel sitting on my shoulder."

She smiled and stroked his face. She had always loved Gerry and they had always been there for each other but lately things had changed...for the better. Sure it was a long, winding and devastating road to recovery following the death of their child but somehow, someway, they had gotten through the pain and made it...together. In the year and a half following the tragedy, the couple had grown closer and fallen even more in love. Emma had resumed working and Gerry had thrown himself into the rigors of training with Coach Yoast but their bond had only deepened.

"I'll always be there for you, Gerry, today, tomorrow and forever. You're never getting rid of me so you might as well get used to it."

"And I never want to", he smiled. "I mean it, Emma. I love you. I really love you, sugar. And right now, this very moment...well, it's one of the best of my life. That's only because you're here to share it with me. I know we've both been through a lot with the accident and with losing Christopher and all but I just have a good feeling about us and our lives. Like it's all gonna just keep getting better, you know? I feel like I have so much to look forward to, so much to live for. My heart is just bursting with energy and love. Heck, I know it sounds corny but..."

"No...it doesn't sound corny. Gerry, it sounds beautiful."

And it truly did. It had been so long since she had seen his eyes light up that way. It was as if the whole world waited at their feet.

"You know what I think?"

"What's that?"

"I say we should start traveling."

"Traveling?" Emma laughed. "Sweetie, where on earth do you want to go?"

"Everywhere! The moon!"

"I doubt the van will make it that far", she laughed.

"Well how about camping in the mountains? The ocean? Fishing? Just packing up and letting the van take us to wherever it wants to until we run out of gas!"

His newfound enthusiasm along with their rejuvenated happiness was contagious.

"Gerry Bertier, are you serious?"

"Hell yeah! Never been more serious in my life. It's time I started living and doing all the things I've always wanted to do. I mean, what's stopping me? Life is so sweet and so precious and so short. Emma, there is so much I want to do...and I want to do it all with you."

"Okay", she smiled.

"Okay? Just like that?"

"Just like that" she grinned. "What can I say? You talked me into it."

"Super!"

"So when do these adventures begin?"

"I don't know but soon. We'll have to plan. I have a big speaking engagement down at Virginia Tech next Wednesday. I'm going to speak to the students about football and what it was like being a Titan that season we won and just also about life and the wheelchair and everything I've experienced."

"Good for you, honey. That's great. You have quite a story to tell and I think it'll be good for you to share it with other people, especially young people. I'm proud of you, Gerry."

"Thanks...Emma?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you be there? Will you come and watch me speak? It would mean a lot."

She grinned as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Of course, sweetheart. There is no other place I'd rather be."

"Good. I just feel better knowing you'll be there. I'm kind of nervous about it. Anyway, all we have to do is get through next week and then it's on to the moon."

"To the moon!" she repeated.

"I have a good feeling about this. Emma."

"About what?"

"About us...about life...about everything."

She could only nod as she kissed him again. There had been bad times but the rough roads were all behind them now. Everything was going to be okay. The smile on Gerry's face and the twinkle in his eye told her that and she loved him for it. For his passion and his sincerity and his enthusiasm and most importantly, his heart. Gold medal or not, Gerry Bertier had always had the heart of a champion.


	13. Cruel Twist of Fate

Emma nibbled on Saltine crackers and sipped hot tea from her favorite mug. The sun had just set and the air was warm. Leaves rustled in the wind indicating that yet another thunderstorm might be on the way. Emma had always loved storms. There was something about them that she found comforting in a strange way. Mostly she loved cuddling up next to Gerry as the thunder rolled, the lightning struck and raindrops fell on the roof.

It had started off an uneventful day. The previous night she had gone to bed early due to the nagging symptoms of a stomach and headache. Over the counter medicine hadn't been that much help and she'd actually felt worse that morning. Still she had trudged off to work but by noon, she was miserable.

"Sugar, you don't sound too good", Gerry had said when he had called her office. "Still not feeling any better?"

"I'll be okay. Probably just a bug going around."

"Why don't you come home and rest?"

"Gerry, I'll be fine."

"I don't know. You don't sound fine. I'm worried about you. You should come home, take a load off, take some more medicine and try to sleep it off."

Sleep did sound heavenly.

"I don't know, honey. I have work to do here, besides I don't want to be all doped up during your presentation this evening at Tech."

"Emma, I don't think you should go. If you're not feeling up to it then I understand."

"Gerry, I'll be fine. Really. It's your shining moment baby and I don't want to miss it. That's what doctors are for anyway. If I feel worse tomorrow then I'll go see a doctor."

"Okay but I still think you should come home."

By two that afternoon, she could no longer take it. She definitely felt worse and suddenly medicine and sleep was the only option.

"Gerry, sweetie, I feel awful about missing your speech tonight. I was really looking forward to it and I know you were counting on me being there."

"Sugar, you're sick...I understand that. Sure I'll miss you tonight but there will be other nights. I promise to tell you all about it when I get home. Coach Yoast found out he'd be able to come with me after all so I won't be completely alone. It'll be alright."

"Are you sure? Gerry, I am so sorry."

"I'm fine, Emma. It's okay. I don't want you to be sorry just take care of yourself and hurry up and get well, okay. I want you to be all rested up for our camping trip next week."

She smiled and he kissed her forehead then her lips.

"I love you, Gerry."

"I love you too, sugar. Now feel better."

"I will. I'll wait up for you."

He grinned, then wheeled towards the door. As he opened it, he gave her a lingering look before waving good bye. Emma watched him drive off then took a nap on the couch. She awakened around 8:30 and enjoyed tea and crackers, the one combination she was able to keep down. She smiled as she noticed campsite brochures Gerry had left at the kitchen table. He was so excited about their upcoming trip and she couldn't help but to happy as well. She knew it would be a good time as long as they were together and it was nice to see him looking forward to it. Thinking happy thoughts, she took the brochures back to the couch where she browsed over them until she found herself nodding off again. It felt like she was asleep only for a few seconds when she heard pounding on the front door. It jolted her awake. The digital clock read 1:11 a.m. Gerry should have been home. Maybe he was but she doubted it as she frowned. Surely he would have woken her up. There was more frantic knocking at the door. Maybe that was him and he had forgotten his key, she thought as she went to open it. Emma opened the front door and there was Coach Bill Yoast. He didn't say anything at first, he only looked at her. She had seen that look once before on his face and it conjured up dreadful memories. It made her remember the night of the accident that had paralyzed Gerry. It only took a few seconds for her to put two and two together.

"Emma...", he began softly.

"No", she said quietly, backing away from the door.

"Emma..."

"No. No, Coach Yoast. Not Gerry. Not my Gerry."

"Emma, there was an accident", the Coach said solemnly.

His heart broke into a thousand pieces as he watched the young woman clutch at her pink bathrobe. In her few years she had already experienced more tragedy than most people dealt with in a lifetime. It all seemed so unfair...so cruel.

"Is Gerry...is he alright?"

In her heart she knew he wasn't.

"It's bad, Emma. I won't lie to you. You might want to get dressed and get to the hospital as soon as possible. He was hit by a drunk driver and...I don't know but it didn't look good."

Emma nodded, eerily calm.

"Okay. Let me get dressed, Coach. I'll call Julius and Jean."

* * *

"Please Lord...Father in Heaven, let my boy be okay", Jean prayed out loud through her tears.

Julius wrapped a big arm around her, not quite knowing what to say. The hours in the Emergency Room were a wretched déjà vu for Gerry's loved ones. The time had been spent once again with lots of tears, prayer and finally deafening silence. Emma could no longer take it. The waiting, the not knowing, was far worse than knowing something bad. She slipped off to the back where hospital staff worked on patients. A door was slightly ajar in the trauma room where she saw doctors and nurses working on her husband. There was lots of blood and tubes and fancy looking machinery. The staff feverishly worked to save his life.

"He's crashing!" she heard someone yell.

"Stand clear!"

A doctor grabbed the paddles and tried to shock his heart. This went on for a few minutes until finally there was a flat line on the monitor.

"How long has he been down?"

"A half hour."

"There's nothing more we can do."

With those words, Emma walked right into the room, right up to the table on which her husband lay.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but you can't be in here", a nurse said.

"Gerry...", Emma whispered.

The lead doctor knew instinctively the look of a wife. She was so beautiful...so young. Certainly too young to be a widow.

"Mrs. Bertier?"

Emma looked the older man straight in the eye.

"Yes?"

"Mrs. Bertier, I'm sorry. Your husband suffered fatal wounds in the crash..."

"Yeah...I know."

She did not cry. She could not cry. Once again in the face of disaster, Emma Hoyt Bertier was the picture of strength and fortitude.

The doctor was amazed, taken aback. He hadn't known the young couple personally but he knew of them. Their love story and life's journey was legend in Alexandria. They had been through so much, overcome so many obstacles...now this. The doctor, a 31 year veteran who had seen more blood, guts, gore and death than he cared to admit, could no longer control his own tears.

"I...I'm sorry."

With a shaking hand, Emma reached up and let her fingertips trace the older man's tears. Then her eyes diverted back to the table where Gerry lay.

"Mrs. Bertier, come with me", a nurse gently prodded.

"I don't want to leave him."

"Just for a minute. They'll clean him up then you can sit with him for a while."

"Okay."

"Should I tell his mother and his friends?"

"No. I will but not yet."

The nurse nodded and patted Emma on the back. A few minutes later she was allowed to return to her husband's side. Emma couldn't help but smile. He looked so big, so strong like he was only sleeping. She placed a kiss on his cheek. Gerry's wallet, watch and wedding ring lay on a nearby table. He never went without that ring, not since the day she had so lovingly placed it on his finger. Emma picked it up and put it back on the fourth finger of his left hand and kissed him again. Only then could she let the tears fall.


	14. Good Night, Sweet Prince

Emma stood stoic in front of the full length mirror. Her carefully applied make up remained perfectly in place on her soft and delicate skin. It was funny how when people were around, Emma felt herself enveloped in an almost super human strength, one that did not give way to tears and that was more concerned about how the others were holding up. However in private the façade would crumble and she would give in to earth shattering sobs and floods of tears.

"Emma...how you holding up?"

She could see the reflection of Jerry "Rev" Harris, a close friend and former teammate of Gerry.

"I'm fine, Rev. Thank you for asking. Are you okay?"

He was amazed by her fortitude.

"As well as to be expected. Listen Emma, I was thinking, maybe you should go back to the house for a while. I could drive you. You should lie down."

"Lie down? Rev, my husband's funeral is in a few hours."

"I know that so that's why you should probably try to get some rest now. There are going to be lots of people around and stuff. I just wanted you to have your strength. I'm worried about you...we all are."

"I know", she sighed. "I really appreciate that. You and everyone have been so kind to me but I'm okay. I don't need to lie down. Everyone has been trying to get me to rest and have the doctor give me a sedative and everything else you can imagine since this happened. But I don't need any of that, Rev. What I needed was to plan this funeral so my husband could have the dignified, honorable service that he deserves. I did that now all I need to do is be by his side for the final time."

Rev nodded as there was no use in arguing and the last thing he wanted to do was upset the young widow even more. She was hurting and how could she not be? The pain was plain to see on her face but so was the love. With a deep breath, she adjusted the dark widow's veil over her face and proceeded out to the front of the funeral home. It was overflowing with mourners, some faces Emma hadn't seen since high school. Walking up to the open coffin, she placed a final kiss on Gerry's lips before kneeling down to pray. Then it was off the limousine, the one that would follow the hearse to the church for the service.

* * *

"You gather today as friends and family to say "Good-bye" to one who has been an important part of your lives in your inner circle. God gave him to you and blessed you in many ways through him. And now God has called him away from you to stand before Him", the minister said.

Emma's eyes focused on the casket a few feet in front of her. It was a dark color but made of strong oak. Jean had had other suggestions when they had gone to pick coffins but Emma would hear none of it. The oak casket was strong and simple...just like Gerry had been and now she couldn't take her eyes off of it. She couldn't make herself look at anything not else, not at the preacher, who was the same man that had married them and not even at the sobbing mother in law beside her.

"Closest to the surface in these days, of course, will be the deep sense of sorrow and loss. Life will be different for you because of the passing of your beloved Gerry. There will be an empty spot that only time and changing circumstance – and the grace of God – can fill. The loss of a loved one brings us to a clear awareness that life really finds meaning and purpose in the interaction between us and those who are near and dear to us. That's what makes loss and grief so real and so penetrating. But standing near is a heavenly Father, awaiting our invitation to apply His own healing to our hurt, and promising us an interaction with Him that gives our lives their ultimate meaning and purpose. That's what's behind the Bible's assurance that God works for good in everything for those who love Him, those who are called according to His purpose."

The minister preached a beautiful sermon. Of course the church was filled with a sense of sadness but Emma knew in her heart that Gerry would not want people to be sad for very long. He'd want them to move on and remember the happy times. What Gerry would have wanted had been the one main motivation as Emma planned the service. It was time for her to address the guests though several friends and family members, worried about her health and emotional state, had advised her not to. Before walking in front of the church she stared down one last time at the hand written notes she had scribbled on flash cards. As she stood, she left them intentionally on the pew. Emma decided to speak to people the way Gerry always did...right from the heart.

"Gerry Bertier was a pure soul and a kind spirit and the absolute love of my life", Emma began with a deep breath. "He was a wonderful husband and son and a loving friend and neighbor. A kind and decent human being who was adored by his family and friends and community alike. A man who worked hard up until the day he died to always set a positive example and make an honest living. He was my strongest supporter, the greatest friend, the best lover...my provider, my partner and caretaker..."

Emma felt like she was trapped in a bad movie. The scene didn't seem real, none of it did. For the first time she felt like she might lose in front of everyone. It was all she could do to keep it together but it was hard. It was unfair that she would have to eulogize her husband. Gerry was gone...and never coming back. The reality finally began to sink in as Emma's voice caught with emotion. Gallantly she attempted to continue but the sobs kept getting in the way. As she broke down, she felt a large but comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Julius whose own eyes were filled with tears. He took her hand in his and continued because he knew she could not.

"I guess we can't say enough good things about Gerry. He was and always will be my best friend. The guy was truly one in a million but I think everybody here knows that. As sad as today is, I just look out on all these faces, some I haven't seen in years and it warms me to know that so many people loved Gerry and that they came to pay final respects. I still can't believe he's really gone but I know in my heart I will love and miss him forever. We have come as far as we can go today with Gerry but the legacy he left is one that will live on inside of all of us. Let us come not with tears but with smiles as we reflect on the good times and the memories we all share. As we take him to his final rest today, I look back and remember with love the kind of person he was. I think of the many lives he touched in his short time and those that touched him. Some...some men strive to accomplish extraordinary feats in this world that make them great men. Everybody saw Gerry that way except Gerry. He just saw himself as a simple man who worked hard and loved his wife and family, somebody who cherished his friends and never made excuses for himself or let any obstacles get in his way. A lot of people, many in this room probably, held Gerry to a higher standard than most folks. Well that was because we saw him be better than most...time and time again. He was a real stand up guy, a decent human being. Every single moment of our lives comes from grace realized. Some men look at the world and ask why. Gerry never did. Instead he looked at things that never were and things some thought never could be and he asked why not. I remember one time in particular after he won a gold medal at the Wheelchair games, a reporter interviewed him and called him a hero for defying the odds. He called him a great man. Gerry looked him right in the eye and said, 'Sir, I'd rather be a good man than a great one'. That was our Gerry, my Superman...humble, modest and blessed. Today we remember him as he was...hoping, loving, inspiring and forever."

There wasn't a dry eye in the church following Julius' speech. The crowd watched as Gerry Bertier's widow and best friend embraced. Julius, like a rock, stood by her through the rest of the service onto the burial at the cemetery. The original '71 Titans, Coach and Mrs. Boone, Coach and Sheryl Yoast stood at the gravesite with Jean and Emma as their fallen hero was laid to rest right beside his infant son. There was a moment of silence finally broken by Julius who began the song, "Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey, hey good bye." It was the infamous chant the football players used during that first season at T.C. Williams. It seemed appropriate as all said they're final good byes and the very young and beautiful widow knelt down and kissed the graves of her son and husband.

* * *

"I thought I might find you here", Julius whispered.

The sky had long grown dark and it was hours after the service but Emma couldn't make herself leave that spot.

"I can't leave", she said quietly. "Not my Gerry."

"I understand", he said as he put an arm around her. "Superman is gone and things will never be the same."

"I feel so empty Julius, like my life is over. Now I get to spend the rest of my life waiting for it to really be over."

"Don't say that, Emma. I can't even imagine how much you're hurting but you know Gerry would not want to see you like this."

"I know."

"Come on, it's getting chilly out. Let's get you home."

"Not yet", she sighed.

Julius nodded and took a breath. She wasn't quite ready to leave so he would stand with her, all night if that's what it took. In death, just like in life Emma remained by her husband's side...loving, loyal and strong.


	15. Never Alone

**_Author's Note: Story resumes back to Chapter 1. Takes place literally the morning after that when she wakes up on the couch._**

It took all the energy Emma had to get up from the couch and start her day. She awoke with a headache that did nothing to compare with the ache in her heart. Gerry was still gone. The pillow that bore his scent and the photo album filled with remembrance seemed to be the only thing left.

Emma showered, dressed, and took the time to fix her hair and make up. The fact that all the preparations were pointless almost made her smile...who did she have to look good for anymore? She ventured into the kitchen and opened cupboards and a refrigerator filled with various goods that had been dropped off by relatives and friends. There was enough food to feed an army for the next six months but she didn't have an appetite. Instead she pulled a bag of wheat germ from the cabinet. On the table she assembled it next to salt, flour, eggs, milk and other ingredients. Before she knew it, she was baking a loaf of the whole wheat bread that Gerry had loved so much. It came out of the oven piping hot and smelling delicious, just waiting to be devoured. But there was no one there to eat it. No one. Emma stared at the bread. She felt empty and the loneliness was suffocating. The hardest part was just being still. She couldn't be still anymore so she pulled out canned peaches and a piecrust. One hour later a homemade peach pie sat cooling on the windowsill. Once more...emptiness....silence...loneliness. A batch of chocolate chip cookies were next on the agenda but Emma found herself distracted by the car pulling up in the driveway. A few minutes later, Julius made his way to the door.

"Come in", she said as they hugged.

"I just stopped by to see how you're doing. I got worried when you didn't answer the phone."

"Oh...I, I didn't hear it", she lied, as the phone had been purposely left off the hook for days.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay", Emma sighed. "People have been kind. Everybody except the bank. There is some money in a trust from Gerry's account and his disability checks and all but it hasn't been properly set up yet. I had to get a lawyer to get everything squared away."

"You alright for money?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure? Because Shirley and I could write a check to tide you over."

Emma smiled at the unconditional kindness of her friend.

"It's okay. I really appreciate the offer but I'll be fine, Julius."

"Well Shirley asked me to send this plate over but by the smell of things around here, you're not hurting for food."

"Yeah...I woke up this morning and didn't know what to do with myself. I knew I had to do something so I just started baking...and baking and baking."

"You're a good cook, Emma. Superman sure did love your wheat bread."

"Why don't you have a slice?", Emma nodded.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll get you something to drink too. Might as well eat it or it'll just go to waste."

"You gonna eat something?"

"Nah...I'm fine. Not really hungry", Emma said as she poured herself a glass of wine.

"When's the last time you had a meal?" Julius asked.

"I don't know. I think I had some chicken yesterday", she shrugged as she took another sip.

"Yesterday? I'm talking about today. It's 2:00 Emma. Look, you need to eat something..."

"Julius, I told you already that I'm not hungry."

"It's just...well, don't take this the wrong way but you really don't look well. I just don't want you to make yourself sick. You really should eat something, Emma."

"Why should I?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. "Who cares what happens to me now?"

Julius' eyes widened at her questions. He knew she would be depressed and upset...they all were but now he was starting to get scared.

"Emma, why would you say something like that? I care. We all care. We all love you. And Gerry loved you too. He loved you more than anything."

"Well Gerry's not here anymore", Emma spat.

"I know. I know he's not and I miss him. I know you miss him, too. But he lives on in all of us, Emma. Gerry is in our hearts. We have so much to remember him by..."

"Yeah? I guess we do, Julius" Emma said, her voice rising with emotion. "We all have a lot to remember him by. Let's see. Jean has old report cards and pictures and a bunch of old drawings taped to her fridge. And what do you and the guys have? Memories of football camp? Trophies? Awards? Yeah, real nice..."

"Emma", he said, standing and putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No, Julius", she screamed, tears falling from her eyes. "What do I have? An empty bed that I can't bear to sleep in anymore? An empty wheelchair that I can't bear to get rid of just yet? Loneliness and silence and an empty house?"

"Emma, calm down. I know you're upset. I know you're hurting but Gerry left you so much more than that. His legacy will live on forever..."

"Yeah, he left me with a legacy alright."

"Emma..."

"You don't understand, Julius."

"Emma..."

"Julius, I'm pregnant", she blurted out.

And once again silence. It was the first time she had been able to utter the words aloud. It was almost too much. The tears began to flow rapidly and it was a few minutes before Julius even had the bearings to comfort her.

"Emma...I, I don't know what to say. Did Gerry know?"

"No", she shook her head a little calmer. "I just found out a few days ago myself."

"I can't believe you're having Gerry's baby", Julius whispered with a small smile.

"I said I'm pregnant, Julius. I never said I was having a baby."

Julius' eyes narrowed. Surely she was not implying what he thought she was.

"What are you saying, Emma?"

"I'm saying that I don't know if I should have this baby."

"How could you say that? Or even think that? Emma, that's a part of Gerry. It was his final gift to you. That's your child together. How could you not have the baby?"

"Because I'm afraid", Emma said in a quiet voice. "Julius, I'm afraid. When Christopher died...Julius, it nearly destroyed me and you know that. I'm still not over it. Losing my son was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and now that's tied with losing my husband, too. I am 27 years old Julius and I am already a widow who has buried one child. My heart and soul ache so bad until they're numb."

"I know..."

"No you don't know, Julius. I wish everybody would quit saying that and pretending they know how I feel. You don't know. There is no way you could know and I pray to God you never have to know. I can't go through it again. I can't lose another person I love."

Julius took a deep breath. He knew that she was right.

"Maybe I don't know Emma but I still empathize and I still care. I've seen what you've gone through these last few years and let me tell you, you're a stronger person than me. I know you hurt and you're scared yet you never let the grief consume you. It might would have killed a lesser person but not you. I'm proud of you, Emma. I love you and I'll respect any decision you make. You have to do what's right for you and I fully understand that. Just remember you have a guardian angel watching out for you now...two of them. I...I just think you're gonna be okay."

"You think I should have this baby?"

"Doesn't matter what I think but yes I do. It would be the best of both you and Gerry and another chance for him to live on."

Emma nodded and tried to control her tears.

"Julius? Do you...do you think Gerry can see us right now."

Julius nodded.

"Yes. Yeah, I think Superman is watching."

"What do you think he'd want me to do? What would he say?"

"I think you already know the answer to that one, Emma. He'd want you to do the right thing. He'd want you to be happy. You know, Gerry loved you more than anyone. I know he's watching us and he loves you very much still and he'd give anything to be here with us now."

Emma smiled. If there was a Heaven in which they all so desperately believed in, she knew her Gerry was there.

"God be with me then. Julius, I don't know how I'm ever going to get through this...having a baby on my alone."

Julius smiled and grabbed her hand.

"It's gonna be okay, Emma. Yeah you might be on your own, but trust me...you'll never be alone."


End file.
